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A few days later I was actually allowed to go to school for the first time in a very long time. Before all this, I would never have dreamed I would be excited to go to school, but I was, even if I did have to be very careful and not take P.E. and stuff.
"Josh is here!" was the greeting I got.
"Joshua, I'm glad you've made it." My teacher, Mr. Barnes, smiled and shook my hand. "How are you?"
"Great." I answered, looking around. There were all my friends.
They took turns hugging me and asking tons of questions, which I tried to answer as well as I could.
"Are you okay, now, Josh?" "Are you coming back for good?" "When do you finish treatment, Josh?"
"I'm just glad to be here." I answered. "I still have to have chemo for almost two years more."
I finally got to talk to my best friend Shane.
"I got a dog!" I excitedly told him.
He was immediately interested. "What sort of dog?"
"A golden retriever."
"What's it called?"
"Cometa."
Shane frowned. "What does that mean?"
"It means kite in Spanish." I explained.
"Do you still want to go to Spain?" he asked. He was one of the only people I had told this wish to.
"Yeah…" I said. "But I guess it'll have to wait."
"Why?"
"Well, my mom's from there, so it would be too sad for my dad. It's only been three and a half years since she died, you know."
"Oh…" he sounded disappointed, but then he brightened up again. "I'm glad you're here, Josh. The other guys are nice, but not quite like having your best friend around."
We sat together and passed notes during the whole first class. Mr. Barnes totally saw us, but I guess he said nothing because I've been gone for so long. I guess everyone was being so nice to me for that reason. That's another of the things I don't like about having cancer. Why should everyone be so nice? I am exactly the same person than I was before this all began. All right, maybe not quite the same person. But certainly if someone didn't like me before, he has no reason to like me now. So why do I have to put up with people putting on this face of sympathetic pity? I don't want pity. I want people to be honest with me.
Like Joey. Why should he be nice to me? We never liked each other before (due to a very mean thing I did to him, but that's beside the point), and I understand and respect that we aren't friends and probably never will be. So why ever did he ask if I wanted him to bring me water or something?
It may sound a little crazy, but I'd really prefer if he was mean to me. That way, things would be at least slightly more the way they were before.
I've accepted life as it is. I know I've got cancer and can't really ignore that fact, anyway, since I have to do something related to it every day (take pills, go to an appointment…).
But is it so wrong for me to just want to go back to the way things used to be?