Chapter One: Rekindling The Flame

**Nick**

It never ceases to amaze me how our fans routinely find us. No matter how secretive we try to be, no matter what code name we use…they always find us. Ah but whatever it’s cool as I stand here freezing my ass off signing countless numbers of autographs and snapping pictures for the crowd outside the hotel. It seems though that there are not just Backstreet fans here.

A lot of them look like rock fans…but why would they be here? Maybe some rock band is staying at this hotel as well. I sigh and excuse myself from the group despite the groans of disappointment. Giving them one final trademark Carter grin I head inside to the bar where the rest of the guys are supposed to be, celebrating the completion of our album. Hell it only took 18 months, surely that’s cause for celebration right? Yeah I thought so. I chuckle to myself; I can hear Kevin’s booming voice from the lobby.

“What do you mean we can’t go in there? Do you even know who we are?” He exclaimed with a glare.

Hoping this situation would be diffused quickly I walk over to see what the problem is and I notice just whom Kevin’s been yelling at. “Jeff? Man I didn’t expect to see you here!” I stated with a smile, the big man looked at me and grinned.

If Jeff’s here then that means………shit Evan’s here.

“Pop star!!!” Jeff exclaimed with a hearty grin, his slow Texas drawl showing clearly as always.

I grinned at him receiving astonished looks from the other four guys probably wondering how the hell I knew the guy. “She here?” I asked already knowing she was.

Jeff sighed, “Yep, tour starts tomorrow, last night of vacation for them.” He explained.

“Will she want to see me?” I knew she would, even though we hadn’t dated for over a year I still loved her, and after the whole Paris catastrophe we became friends again. Of course I had no clue we were staying in the same hotel, we never shared information like that, we never cared to.

“Of course she will come on in.” Jeff replied moving out of the way.

“Come on guys I want you to meet someone.” It had been forever since I’d seen her and I wanted the rest of them to finally meet her. Howie had once, and totally loved her.

The five of us walked into the lounge and I surveyed the room seeing her band there. Drew, Evan’s fraternal twin brother strumming on a guitar in a chair in the corner, Nathan the drummer flirting with the waitress, Connor…the bassist, the one that never really liked me sitting with a smoking hot blonde on his lap and his tongue down her throat. He had hated me of course, because he and Evan had a no-strings attached thing going on when I had come into the picture quickly taking up all of her attention. I hated the fucker too, at first but after we both were forced to be around each other when I’d visit Evan on tour, we became good friends.

“Nick?” I heard a soft female voice next to me.

I smiled and turned seeing Evan’s younger sister standing there with a surprised look on her face. She looked good, definitely changed from the hyper 18-year-old I once knew so well. Now she was 19 soon to be 20 if I remember her birthday correctly. “Caitie!” I replied giving the girl a hug. “You’re blonde?” I semi-asked. She’d always had dark hair like her sister’s, and now she had bright blonde hair, it looked good, just different.

She ran her hands through her short hair, “Yep I’m blonde, Evie helped me out.” Caitlin replied nodding her head to my other side to across the room where Evan was playing pool with Nathan.

How had I not noticed her before? My eyes watched her bend down to take her shot with her back to me. God, that ass…the tattoo at the small of her back…man I missed that thing. How many times had I traced the ink with my tongue? It was a major point of sensitivity for her and I’d taken advantage of it a million times over, especially when I’d take her from behind…shit I need to stop thinking about that, we’re just friends now weren’t we?

After I introduced the guys to Caitlin and left them to go surprise Evan. I almost offered her my lighter like I had the first time we met. She’d been standing outside a club wearing these insanely skintight leather pants and a fitted black tuxedo shirt with only two buttons done trying in vain to light her cigarette. But then I remembered that she’d quit smoking a while back and had convinced me to quit as well.

“Long time no see Evie.” I stated announcing myself behind her. The nickname I’d come up with was a sure way that she’d know it was me.

Her back straightened and she swung around her hair swishing over her shoulders…fuck I missed her. The black tank she was wearing did everything to accentuate her curves. And of course the writing on it, ‘Plays Rough’…yeah if that isn’t the damned truth there’d been a million times where my makeup artist had bitched at me because she had to cover up the various bruises around my wrists, and bite marks on me.

**Evan**

Shit what the fuck is he doing here? “Nick!” I exclaimed giving him a quick hug, anything longer and I’d be too tempted to tear his clothes off and ravish him right here on the pool table. Yeah we’d broken up, became friends again, but that didn’t mean I still didn’t love him or didn’t want him all of the time. I looked him over, damn he looked good, and I noticed his hair had grown back from when he shaved it off.

It was still short but spiky, perfect to run my fingers through……damn it Evan stop thinking like that. He’s not yours anymore. But he was once. Suddenly all of the times we’d had sex immediately began flashing through my head. I looked him up and down remembering quite clearly what he looked like naked…shit I didn’t need this especially now.

“How’ve you been?” He asked.

“We just talked on the phone yesterday don’t be such a gobshite!” I replied letting my Irish accent show through. Nick had come to learn a lot of Irish slang hanging out with me even though Drew Caitie and I rarely ever used it. Unless we went to Ireland then it was balls out with all the black stuff we could drink (black stuff being Guinness).

Sometimes I loved that my Dad had been stationed in Ireland and us kids got to grow up there. Nick had always been a sucker for my accent. I’d learned to control it when I went to college so I could speak with an American voice and an Irish one when I was home. Dad had always made us speak American English in the house, he abhorred the Irish slang and him being a Marine and all you never really questioned the man without having a good lashing.

My broken accent came in handy everytime Nick and I would be on the phone…even though we broke up we stayed nearly in constant contact with each other, never really discussing details but glazing over everything, focusing on everything else besides our respective careers. Mainly because that’s what broke us up in the first place. We never saw each other, and when we did it was always rushed, never enough time. And it got to be too much for either of us; we accused each other of cheating, which neither of us did.

“I know but I had no idea you were staying in New York City, let alone this hotel. What floor are you on?”

Damn him, he was going straight for it wasn’t he? No matter how many times we’d proclaim that we were just friends on the phone, as soon as we were in the same room…oh who the hell am I kidding he wants me…I should work this for all it’s worth right? God I’m evil!

**Nick**

“And what’s it to you?”

So…that’s how she’s going to play it? Damn her. Okay I admit it I have way less than pure thoughts going through my head at the moment, especially the last time I saw her. She’d been in LA recording and I went to see her, ended up spending the night in her hotel room. It was great, amazing and funny at the same time. We were lying in bed naked, making out and getting ready for yet another round and all of sudden she jumps out of bed, completely naked mind you, grabs a piece of paper and a pen and starts writing. Apparently she had just gotten the best idea for a song. I look at her now looking expectantly at me waiting for an answer. So I figure direct is the best approach.

“Well just want to know in case the guys wonder where I am in the morning.” I throw in a devilish smirk just for good measure; she could never resist that…ever.

I saw her eyes darken; yep she’s turned on. That’s always been easy with her, reading her. Those blue eyes of hers always will tell you what mood she’s in whether she wants you to know or not.

She shakes her head and laughs a little, “Who says you’ll be in my room, maybe we should just go to yours.” She flirted back with that mischievous grin I’d grown to both adore and fear when we had dated. I adored it because she’s got a beautiful smile, pouty lips, white teeth, good cheek bones……she could have passed for a French model except she actually has meat on her bones unlike most of them. I feared that smile because it usually ended up with me doing something that I’d thought I’d never do…

I guess she saw me studying her because she nervously ran a hand through her hair and I saw the ring I’d given her. A platinum Claddagh ring with an opal stone where the heart was (opal of course for her birthstone). Every piece of jewelry I’d given her when we dated always had an Irish twist to it. I knew she’d grown up in Ireland, loved it there, but had moved back to the States to go to college and start her career…her voice along with her siblings had become Americanized very quickly with their accents only coming out occasionally or when they did it on purpose.

“You still have your ring I see.” I said motioning to her right middle finger.

She smiled and looked at her hand and then to my right middle finger where mine was. It matched hers except it had my birthstone in place of her’s, a garnet.

“I see you still wear yours as well.” She countered.

“Why wouldn’t I? Just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean you don’t still have my heart.” I knew that’d get her. It always did. I could see the blush creeping up on her, her skin is very light so it was easy to tell when she was embarrassed or flattered.

“It’s not like you don’t have mine either.” She shot back her eyes blazing…shit I know that look. She was going to tease me wasn’t she? Damn…

Reigning in my desire to rip her clothes off I changed the subject and led her over to the guys who were engrossed in a conversation with Caitie. Damn she was probably telling them all about how Evan and I had broken up but remained close.

Evan squealed when she saw Howie, she thought he was awesome when she’d met him. “Howard!!!” She exclaimed throwing her arms around him giving him a better hug than she gave me…damn it all. I’m getting jealous here over a hug…fuck she’s not even mine anymore and I still get possessive.

“Hey Evan, how’ve you been?” He asked.

“Bloody grand I tell you!” She replied letting her accent come out again.

Fuck if that wasn’t the sexiest thing. I loved that accent, especially when she’d moan my name with it when I…God I need to stop that or I’ll end up violating her right here.

She must have done it on purpose because she flashed me a snarky grin.

“Evan where’d you grow up?” Kevin asked noticing her accent.

She grinned at him, shit she was going to flirt with him. She always told me that she had a crush on Kevin…thought he was ‘simply hot’ is what she said. She also said if he weren’t married she’d do him…thank God for Kristin. “Born in Orlando, grew up in Dublin, Dad was a Marine but wasn’t stationed on a base, he worked with the UN as a military diplomatic consultant.”

“Wow, that’s cool, must have been amazing growing up there.” Brian added.

Drew decided to walk up just then, “It was, except for when we got terrorized by the kids there. But we learned the slang, much to Dad’s dismay.” He answered ruffling Evan’s hair. She swatted at him calling him a plonker, which I learned was one of the many words for idiot along with gobshite.

“Hey Drew, how’s the album going?” I asked. Drew is Evan’s other half they know each other so well and are extremely close. They kind of looked alike too. Dark hair, blue eyes, and same laugh except his laugh is much deeper. Drew kicked ass, he was the first one to welcome me, next to Caitie of course.

Drew smiled, “We’re done, finished it three months ago, been polishing it up and rehearsing, album drops next week and the tour starts tomorrow, we’re doing a double headlining with AFI.”

AFI? Shit that’s cool. “AFI wow.”

“Yeah we’re going on after them, it’s weird now we’re officially rock stars.” Drew replied.

“You guys were pretty big when I met you.”

Caitie smirked, “Yeah but we only had regular rotation on Much Music and Fuse, now we’re on MTV and VH-1 quite regularly.”

God love that girl, she’d always been supportive of Evan and I. She was great, arranging alone time for us, helping us keep our relationship hidden from the media. The media would have been really harsh. ‘Backstreet Boy Dates Rock Star for Credibility’ yeah could totally see that headline coming.

“So how’s yours been going?” Drew asked.

“Really good, taken us forever to get it finished though.”

Evan laughed a little bit, “Well not everyone can pop out an album in a month.”

“A month?!?” Shit that’s all they took to record?

She giggled, “Well yeah I had all the songs written, our duet is on the album.” She replied.

Our duet?? Oh no, not the song I’m thinking of…please not that one. “Please don’t tell me you put my voice on your album?”

Drew smiled, “Dude the song kicks ass, and your voice sounds good with hers. Gives it a great balance.”

Son of a bitch I’m going to get it now. I nervously looked at the guys seeing the surprised expressions on their faces…shit I’m dead aren’t I?

“Seriously Nick you’ve got three writing credits.”

“Three?” Besides our duet what other songs did I help her write? I can’t remember exactly, my mind right now is blurred with images of her body writhing beneath me…fuck I need a drink.

Anyways, I knew ‘Anywhere’ our duet I’d helped her write, actually it was just a little guitar riff I had stuck in my head, played it for her, she of course made fun of my skills, and then began to play it on her acoustic and we started writing and singing. It had turned out to be the first time I’d told her that I loved her. I was on break and went out on tour with her staying behind the scenes away from any and all cameras.

“Yeah, Anywhere, Heaven’s A Lie, and Before the Dawn.” Evan stated happily. “And guess who I got to sing with me on Heaven’s A Lie.”

The only person whose voice could work with the song was Tommy’s. We’d even discussed it with him saying he’d kick ass on the song. “Tommy??” I asked.

Evan’s eyes lit up, “You bet your ass! He sounded twenty times better than we thought he would.”

I smiled at her; I loved hearing her talk about music. Unconsciously I licked my lips and saw her shudder just a little, not enough for anyone else to notice but enough that I caught it.

Now I knew I had her…

**Evan**

Did he have to do that? God my entire body just full on shuddered when he licked his lips. That tongue, those lips especially the bottom one it begged to be nibbled on I swear…how many times had that mouth turned me into a quivering mass of hormones? Too many to count….shit I need to get laid. I know, I know I shouldn’t encourage him, we’re never going to get over each other unless we stop this whole thing we have going.

Friends are great on the phone, but in person it’s just not enough. Maybe it was no one else I’d ever been with had ever understood me as well as he did….knew what I liked, how I liked it and gave it on a consistent basis. I let my eyes trail over him, I know he wants me, keeps flirting, hinting at the obvious and his jeans are doing nothing to hide how hard he’s getting…but could we actually do this without wanting more and hurting each other?

I excused myself for a moment going over to the bar getting a refill on my Grey Goose martini downing it in one gulp. Caitie came over with me as well.

“You want him don’t you?” She asked.

I had to roll my eyes. She knows the whole story about Nick. Fuck she was there for most of it. “Duh, Caitie.”

She laughed…sometimes she could be such a bitch but I loved my baby sister. “E, why not go for it tonight?”

There were so many reasons why we couldn’t do that. Especially since I’d be leaving in the morning. That was always the problem, one of us was leaving, never enough time to enjoy each other. “Caitlin you know why. It’ll just make it worse.”

“Or it’ll get him out of your system before the tour, you’ve been distracted lately and you need to get laid. You have a seriously hot guy over there who’s more than willing.”

Damn it why does she have to be right? Of course it wouldn’t get him out of my system, it’d make me want him back more than I already did. “It’s not a good idea.”

“I think it’s a bloody brilliant one. Why spend the night before our tour starts horny and frustrated, drinking in a hotel bar when you could be up in your room fucking each other senseless, giving and taking the pleasure you both need and want?”

Fuck…me…I hate it when she does that, my sister knows me too God damned well. I sighed and nodded at her getting up and going back over to them. “I think I’m going to call it a night, we have an early flight to catch to make it in time for sound check in Boston.” I stated as everyone stood I went around thanking them for joining us, giving them a hug. When I got to Nick I pulled him close slipping my extra key card into his hand and whispered in his ear, “Wanna make this a night to remember for those lonely nights on the road?”

And pulled away seeing his blue eyes darken…yes I knew I had him now. I smirked and said my goodnights noticing that Connor had already retired with his FOTM or fuck of the moment. Nate was still busy flirting with the cute waitress and Shawn my PA was conked out on the sofa. I passed Jeff telling him goodnight and to get some rest before I headed to the elevators pressing the 32 on it. I loved the suite I’d gotten, had this AMAZING view of the city. It would be perfect for us tonight, just damn perfect.

Getting off the elevator I went to my room going in and cleaning up the various things lying about silently thanking my sister for buying me a tour’s worth of condoms the other day. I’m not a slut by any means, but like any human being you have physical needs. And when you’re a rock star and there’s a smoking hot boy in the front row that is ready and willing…yeah I doubt you’d turn it down either. Which is of course why we always made it mandatory that we had enough condoms on tour, we all maybe promiscuous but at least we’re safe about it!

I took a quick shower smiling to myself that I’d been smart enough to get a full spa treatment the day before, massage, facial, waxing, basically all that you could get done I did. Getting out of the shower I pulled my hair up in a messy bun, Nick always said that look was sexy, just a few strands falling on my face and neck.

Turning away from the mirror, I looked at my tattoos, the black rosary on my left shoulder, the Latin script at the base of my spine. ‘Nosce Te Ipsum’ in ornate gothic lettering. It had a profound meaning to me besides its definition of ‘Know thy self’ as did the ink rosary. We’d been brought up Catholic, and though I’m not practicing, the years I’d spent kneeling on a church pew, standing in line for communion, and getting confirmed, all was still part of me, my history.

I searched through my luggage, where in the fuck did I put my lingerie? Damn it must not have packed much of anything. So instead I slipped on a clingy black night gown, one he’d given me, it was soft like cashmere, and just sexy enough to be considered lingerie but just plain enough that I slept in it regularly. The material hugged my curves perfectly and had very thin straps showing off my neck and shoulders, not to mention some impressive cleavage. Okay I’m being full of myself here but I can’t lie, I’m curvy and I like it that way.

Sighing I pulled out a large scented candle in a glass jar. I took this thing with me everywhere, it smelled like a vanilla orchid and I remembered Nick loved it as well so I set it on the night table lighting it letting the aroma waft through the suite. Once I finished that I smoothed on some lotion and waited I knew he wouldn’t be long but the anticipation was killing me.

**Nick**

Had she done what I think she just did?

She slipped me her room key…yeah that’s what it looked like. I smiled at the little piece of plastic she always wrote the room number on her key, just in case she forgot. Got to love her for that. I excused myself feigning a yawn, getting a snarky grin from Caitie. Damn she knew…what Evan had done. Oh who am I kidding she probably convinced her to do it, one last night before she goes on the road for six months, maybe more.

And who am I to refuse that? Besides if I’m there making her feel good, then someone else isn’t. I hated the fact that she had groupies and indulged in them regularly, but I couldn’t blame her because I did the same. We never talked about it, but I knew from the tone in her voice whether she’d gotten laid or not. It was always full of relief with just a twinge of sadness to it, like she wanted it to be me.

Is it bad to know someone that well?

That you know just by their voice if they’ve had sex and if it was good or not? I knew she knew about my various indiscretions, I never was a groupie kind of guy, yeah it happened every once in a while but after her it seemed to happen a lot more often. And the girls I’d had were always more than willing sometimes dropping to their knees in the middle of a crowded club. Yeah I’m an asshole, but hey I don’t force them, they offer themselves up leaving them vulnerable to be thoroughly fucked and tossed away. Any woman with any dignity or self respect wouldn’t offer it up so easily now would she? If they aren’t going to respect themselves enough to understand that it's just sex and nothing more then why should anyone else have to respect them?

I dismissed my thoughts when I got to her floor I checked myself in the window smirking at my faint reflection. Yeah…I looked good. I pulled a mint out of my pocket, one I’d stolen from the front desk that morning, okay not stolen but still. I crunched it up making sure my breath wasn’t foul, nothing like going to spend the night with a beautiful woman and your breath smells like a dog.

I hesitated standing in front of her door……is this what we should be doing? God, I’m beginning to doubt this? No don’t doubt it, you love her, and she loves you. Yeah then why aren’t we together anymore? Because you’re a jealous possessive idiot who hated the fact that you never saw her.

I just loved arguing with myself now didn’t I?

Fuck it…

I slipped the key in and opened the door letting it click shut behind me. I closed my eyes smelling the candle burning. God that smell brought back so many memories a lot of funny, romantic ones…but most memorable were the times we’d spent in bed the nights I spent on the road with her helping her expend that pent up energy and adrenaline from the show. Being on stage, performing in front of screaming fans, you get high off of it and therefore you get extremely turned on.

“Evan?” I asked looking around the suite not seeing her.

“In the bathroom come on in make yourself comfortable!” She yelled.

Following her suggestion I took off my socks and shoes knowing they’d need to come off anyways. For about thirty seconds I contemplated stripping the rest of my clothes off and going into the bedroom. However, that might not be such a good idea yet. No need to look desperate.

She walked in the room just then…

Christ that nightgown I’d given her…looked even better than I remembered. And her hair shit is she intentionally trying to kill me here? I closed the distance between us pulling her in my arms, God she fit so well here. I leaned down just as she leaned up and our lips met…damn just damn I could do this all night, but I had much better plans…… ones that involved her screaming and her body convulsing. Holding her to me I walked her backwards into the bedroom of the suite breaking the kiss to look at the room smirking at the box of condoms on the nightstand, the bed sheets turned down.

Always prepared, you have to love this girl. “What time is your flight?” I asked, trying to gauge how much time we had.

She sighed and unbuckled my belt pulling it off in one swift tug, fuck if that isn’t talent…

“Flight is at 9, we have to leave by 6.” She replied with an exasperated sigh.

I glanced over to the clock it was 11:45…that meant we had about six hours give or take. Damn, it just wasn’t enough, but that was typical for us we never got the time to just be together. It was always a few hours here and there, just enough time to fuck, sleep and eat, then fuck some more before she or I would have to leave.

“Stop calculating how much time we have left, just enjoy that we have time at all.” She stated reading my expression as she took off my jacket and lifted my shirt up. I pulled it off throwing it somewhere in the room as she went to my jeans. I think I full on moaned when she drew the zipper down adding just the right amount of pressure.

God it’s been too long…I’d gone too long without her touch.

**Evan**

I giggled at his reaction; I loved seeing him like that, knowing I made him feel good. Getting impatient I tugged off his jeans leaving him in his boxers, when did he start wearing underwear again? He bent down gathering the nightgown and pulled it up and over my head. I pulled the tie out of my hair letting it fall just past my shoulders.

Pulling me back to him he pushed/walked me back to the bed the back of my legs hitting it making my knees buckle and both of us tumble onto it. Wrapping my arms around him I rolled us over and began sliding his boxers down his hips. I thought a moment deciding on whether or not to take him in my mouth, we had about six hours and right now I just wanted him inside me.

As much as he and I were both into foreplay…and trust me we were. Almost to the point where I thought we’d both be driven insane at some point, however neither of us needed or wanted that at the present moment. I moved up grabbing a condom from the box on the nightstand. He grinned at me as I ripped open the wrapper with my teeth and moved to roll it onto him and then moved positioning myself over him.

**Nick**

I watched her as she slowly sank down onto me…shit that felt so good and watching myself slide in and out of her was half the fun. I love watching her, the way her face changes her eyes closed, mouth slightly open, or the way her eyes would crinkle at the corners when she’d thrust back down…just so completely beautiful.

She stayed still, I knew why she did it to torture me mostly, but also she had always said she loved feeling me like that readjusting to having me inside her again. Trying to urge her on I thrust my hips up making her smile and lean down kissing me as she scratched her nails down my chest.

I loved that, that little bit of roughness that was always welcomed.

We’d always been a little, violent when it came to sex, we both liked it rough, something most people we’d ever been with just couldn’t get it or didn’t want it. ‘You want to bite me…what? Ow not so hard’ they’d all say, no one ever could get me the way she does.

She pulled me up to sit and began to move as I attacked her neck and chest with my mouth nipping a little here and there then biting roughly on and around her breasts hearing her gasp and moan as her fingers wove into my hair pushing me closer to her chest…as if I needed any encouragement.

**Evan**

Shit he’s biting me; does he remember how much I love that?

In retaliation I begin to move faster on him both of us are moaning quite loudly at this point and he’s moving with me lifting his hips up to meet mine causing the absolute best friction between us. He wrapped his arms around me and flipped us over and moved faster against me but slowed down a little torturing the hell out of me. I opened my eyes to see what the hell he was doing and I saw his intense blue eyes staring down into mine. Now if that wasn’t the most intimate thing in the world, I don’t know what is.

Just seeing him watching me, and watching him myself made me lose it and I came shuddering and growling loudly he followed not more than a few seconds later. If I never made any sound he could go for hours, but the second I’d make a sound when I came it would trigger his as well; something about feeling me let go and hearing it as well that just got to him. He collapsed to the side of me throwing out the condom in the trash before pulling me against him kissing my forehead.

“I love you.” I whispered making him grin at me.

“I love you too.” He replied repeating my sentiment.

God why are we being so stupid about this? We could make this work couldn’t we? Other musician couples do, look at Tim McGraw and Faith Hill they work don’t they? Ah yes but they’re in the same genre, Nick and I are not. I’m rock (well ok the correct term would be ‘nu-metal’ but whatever) and he’s pop and never the two shall meet. Yeah right that’s just what the musical purist elitist bastards think, rock and pop mixed all the time.

Hell, pop music is nothing more than music that’s popular with audiences and with that definition I’m in pop music too. True we’re not easy listening but whatever. It’s no use, though, we tried… we loved, we fought, we lost, end of story.

Yeah if that’s true then why am I in a hotel room kissing, biting and scratching down his chest getting him ready for round two?