Chapter Twenty-Three: Noah’s Arc
“Alyssa!” Nick shouted. “Help her! She’s…” He said standing there feeling completely helpless. Three extra nurses pushed him out of the room so they could have extra space to save Alyssa’s life. Nick fought hard but they won relegating him to watch the scene unfold from the window. They brought out the defibrillator charging it and placing it on her chest as they continued to try to stop the bleeding and start her heart. He couldn’t believe his, how could his entire world come crashing down just at that?
He cringed as her back arched being jolted by the volts of electricity, which ran throughout her body. Once…twice…three times it took before her heart started beating again. She coughed and cried out in pain. The doctors and nurses injected something into her IV making her body go limp and into a sleep-like state. They worked on her as fast as they could just barely being able to stop the bleeding and fix the tear in her uterus. Dr. Petrarch came out minutes later throwing her blood soaked gloves into the waste can.
“Nick?” She asked seeing him still staring at Alyssa’s body as they finished her up in the operating room.
Nick looked over and backed up to the wall crumbling against it for support. “Yes?”
“Alyssa should be okay. She’s lost a lot of blood and we have her on some of our reserve supply to help her. She should be able to make a full recovery and be able to have more children in the future.” She explained.
“And Noah?”
Dr. Petrarch’s face fell. “He’s alive, he’s on a ventilator and is being taken up to the neonatal unit. He’s in very critical condition. He’s got what we call blue baby syndrome. It means there’s a very big weakness between the lungs and heart and getting oxygen into the blood.”
Nick swallowed hard and looked at Dr. Petrarch. “But he’ll be okay right? There’s surgery to fix that isn’t there?”
Dr. Petrarch nodded, “There is, but he’s too young yet to have it. If we were to operate now, there’s too big of a risk he’ll die in the operation. Even now he’s got about ten percent chance of surviving the next twenty-four hours.” She explained. “It’d be best for you to go into the waiting room for right now. I’ll send someone to take you to Alyssa’s bedside and then Noah’s once they’re all settled.
Nick nodded numbly and walked out of the OR and back to the waiting room. Everyone stood up and looked at him wondering what was going on. “Nick? What happened..?” Mary asked seeing the ghostly complexion of her future-son-in-law.
Nick looked over at everyone landing on Clark last. “She….”
Clark stood up immediately, “She what? Don’t you fucking dare tell me that…”
“She’s not dead…I mean her heart stopped, but they were able to start it again. She bled out…”
“Oh my God!” Mary cried crumbling to the chair sobbing. Everyone else in the room all looked down then over to Nick seeing how emotional he was.
“What about Noah? Is he okay?” Kellie asked.
Nick shook his head, “He’s cyanotic and they gave him a ten percent chance of surviving the night.” He said finally breaking down. “I just…I can’t take much more of this…” He said crumbling. He began to sob and shake as his sorrow and grief over took him. Kevin and the rest of the guys came over to his side and flung their arms around him comforting him as much as they could. Nick broke away from them not wanting to be touched. “You don’t know what this is like do you!?” He spat at all of them. “I just watched the love of my life’s heart stop. You have no idea what that’s like. The only one who can understand is Mary.” He looked around and spotted his own mother. “This is all your fault.” He added with tears streaming down his face.
“How can you blame me, I didn’t go in there and make her bleed out did I?” Jane retorted making everyone shake their heads.
Rage coursed through him as he set his jaw and clenched his fists, “You might as well have anyways. I should have seen the stress you were putting her through, you caused this to happen. She wouldn’t have gone into labor if you weren’t such a meddling heartless bitch.”
Jane stood there astonished as to her son’s reaction. True she had set out to annoy Alyssa, but only to the point of breaking them up. “Nick that’s not what I meant by any of it.”
“Bull shit. You just wanted to see her suffer, so she’d leave me. I hate you, you may have just destroyed everything I tried to build. All because you’re jealous that I found love, and you can’t stand to see me happy.” He spat.
“Nickolas that’s not true.”
“Yes it is. I’ll never forgive you for any of this. Get out of my sight you’re dead to me.” He added angrily as Kevin and AJ and the rest of the fellas stood on his sides ready to hold him back at a moments notice so that he wouldn’t murder anyone. They’d seen him this angry before, and it ended up in a broken hand in 2001. But this…this look on his face was pure murderous rage.
Jane walked past him and went to reach for him, “Nick..I..”
“Don’t you fucking touch me. You’ve brought enough damage to my life, I won’t let you do it anymore.” He spat as she left. After she was gone Nick crumbled to a chair.
***************************************
Nick Narrating:
Dear God…
What did I do to deserve this? Why must I always be the one to lose people I love? I almost lost Alyssa again. I can’t handle this, I’m not strong enough. How can I even survive without her? Know she’s still here and is fighting through it. But…she died, I watched my fiancée die. And then be brought back because they acted so fast. I just can’t…
Even believe this whole thing. To lose her even in that brief of a moment. God no I can’t be without her. How would I be able to be a father to Noah without her by my side? Then again what if he doesn’t survive? Will I be left with nothing? They’re my life, Alyssa and our son. I can’t lose them now can I? Not when I’ve barely just started with our life together. I don’t even know what to do with Noah, he’s so sick and so small. I only got to see him for a moment in the operating room he was so frail and sickly and tiny that I could fit him in the palm of my hand. He’s too young, he’s technically 3 and half to four months premature. It’s too young to come into the world isn’t it? I’ve seen this sort of thing happen on stupid television shows but never in my life did I think it could actually happen to me.
I’m so worried about everything, I’m sitting here in the waiting room waiting for the doctor to come and tell me I can see my fiancée and then my son. I’m definitely going to be alternating between the two of them. I’ll stay tonight with Noah just in case anything should happen, and I’ll leave Clark with Ali. He’ll watch over her and call me the second anything happens.
Which I hope it doesn’t, I just want them both to be safe and healthy. I need her to rest tonight, and be okay. Back in 2001 when I found her in my bathroom, it killed me, to see her like that, lying lifeless on the tiled floor. That’s why I sold the place later, I couldn’t be in there and not feel what she felt, saw what she saw. And the utter despair that led her to nearly take her own life. I couldn’t bear to see that on her face again and yet I did, when her father died. I struggled so hard to keep her close, so afraid she’d go down the same path and really do it this time.
In a way I know how Alyssa felt, I just lost a parent as well.
I know not in the same way that Ali did. But still its sort of similar. However I don’t regret it. What I do regret is letting her control my life for so long. All I’ve ever wanted was just a mother who cared about me, who was proud of me and my accomplishments, and now I realize all she cared about was the amount of money she was getting instead.
She’s so completely fake and I see that now. Even to Ali, she used to like her back before anything happened between us. I guess that’s because she figured, “oh that’s just his friend” and then when we started dating she probably figured it was just another fling for me.
Which it isn’t and never will be just a fling. I’ve loved Alyssa in so many different ways, platonically and other wise. She’s just my everything, I can’t imagine life without her. And it saddens me so much that she nearly had to die again for me to realize what a foul piece of shit I’ve been lately. All I wanted was a relationship with my mother.
And I wanted it so desperately that I let it blind me to what she was doing to Alyssa. If I had just pulled my head out of my ass sooner maybe we could have avoided all of this mess. And maybe we’d be sitting at home just the two of us instead of me sitting here in this cold hospital waiting to see if both my love and my son are stable enough for me to see them.
If only I hadn’t been so selfish and want to be intimately close to Alyssa, I would have noticed the divide growing between us. My attraction to Emma only escalated it as well. And I can’t even begin to fathom what would have happened if I had really acted on it. God I would have ruined everything wouldn’t I?
I look around the room seeing couples paired off. Kev and Kris, Bri and Leigh, Howie and Leigh, Alex and Kel, Lori and Clark, and then there’s me, and Mary the only two in the room that can really understand the loss. Alyssa may be alive, but my mind won’t let the images of her heart stopping leave from my imagination. I can hear her heart beat slowing even now and it was only an hour ago that it all went down.
I want to cry, get rip roaring drunk, and just do something.
Because right now I feel as useless as they come. I could have lost everything tonight. I can’t lose it all I won’t survive it. Just the mere thought of all of this. I can’t cope I wouldn’t be able to if it were real. As long as I have Alyssa I know I’ll be okay, but even that is on shaky ground right now. And that truly scares me. I need to do something for her, through all of this to pull us together. The next few months with Noah are going to be critical not only for him. But for Alyssa and I. Having a child alone is enough to put strain on an already strained relationship, but a critically ill child? I’m just so scared that it’ll be the end of us. That some how it’ll only make that divide grow bigger between us until there’s nothing left of our relationship. Could I really let that happen? Could she?
After all we’ve been through, we can make it right? Ah what the hell I’ll be surprised if we make it through the night.
I’m more scared for Noah, he’s been such a pleasant surprise in my life, and I want to teach him so many things. And I’m so afraid that his condition will prevent me from doing that. And worse making Alyssa and I hate each other. I lived through a rocky relationship with my parents. I’d die if I ever did that to Noah.
How can you love someone so much and you’ve barely just met?
He’s just so fragile and the product of Alyssa and I. I don’t care what it takes I need for him to be healthy too. So I don’t keep feeling like this…like a complete and total failure. I feel like I failed Alyssa, in protecting her from my mother, shielding her from stress and most of all failing myself and Noah as a father. If I’d only paid more attention to the warning signs…that Alyssa was showing, with her stress level, our fights, my mother, the show and our careers. None of this would be happening, maybe even Noah wouldn’t be so sick and hurting right now if I had just only seen what was going on and stopped it.
It’s really all my fault.
End Narration.
************************************
Nick sighed and looked around the room at everyone, they all had worried expressions that they tried to hide, but were terrible at it. He jumped to stand when Dr. Petrarch walked in. “Nick, everyone, Alyssa’s stable, she’s resting right now. She’ll make a full recovery.” She announced hearing everyone’s sigh of utter relief.
“And Noah?”
“He’s in the neonatal intensive care unit. I must be honest Nick, it doesn’t look good for him, his vitals are weak at best there’s very little chance of his survival.”
Nick closed his eyes and turned away. “Can I see them?” He asked.
Dr. Petrarch nodded and led him and Mary and Clark to Alyssa’s bedside. “Just let me know when you want to go to Noah, I’ll take you to him.”
Nick walked in seeing his love, his soul mate asleep on the bed. He went to her side sitting on the edge of the bed momentarily. “Guys can I have a minute with her?” Mary and Clark both nodded and left the room momentarily. Nick laced their fingers and looked at her sleeping form. “Alyssa…I know you can’t hear me, but I just need to get this out, and maybe in your subconscious you’ll understand. I love you. So much, and I can’t wait for us to be at home playing with Noah. He’s really sick, and I’m so scared we’re going to lose him baby. It’s going to be so rough for us if we do lose him. I love you Ali so much, please keep fighting, I can’t lose you.” He said solemnly. He placed a chaste kiss to her lips and got up leaving the room. He needed to see Noah, needed to be by his side just in case.
Dr. Petrarch led Nick and Mary up to the room where Noah was resting in his incubator. Nick pulled up a chair at his side and looked at him. He was so tiny he almost looked like an alien to Nick. So small and fragile with tons of tubes and machines hooked up to him. He looked closely at Noah’s face and chest seeing the slightly blue complexion. “Why is he..?”
“That’s why they call it blue baby syndrome, it turns the skin on their mouth and cheeks and chest almost a blue color.” Mary explained. “He’s so little. Too young to be brought into this world.”
Nick looked at Mary and sighed, “He’s going to be okay right?”
Mary tried her best to muster up courage, she knew that Noah had a very low chance of surviving. “Nick I hope he’s strong enough to survive, but he may not be…”
“No! Don’t you dare say that…he can’t die…” Nick nearly shouted. “I won’t let it happen Mary!” He shouted then turned to Noah, “I can’t…” He said in an almost whisper.
Mary nodded and left the room for a moment to compose herself. She knew this would be hard on him and resigned herself to being by his side, in the likelihood that Noah didn’t survive.
Meanwhile back in the room Nick looked at his son’s tiny body and grimaced. “I’m so sorry Noah…I should have been better. I should have known that you were sick that you were going to be at least. I should have taken better care of your mom. I love you both so much. And here you are, fighting for your life. I want you to be at peace, I hope you’re not in much pain. If you are I’m so sorry Noah. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the man you and your mom needed me to be throughout this whole pregnancy. Please keep fighting, and I promise I’ll protect you and Ali and be everything you need me to be. Just please, please…” He said stopping himself. He needed rest but he didn’t want to sleep but his eyes said otherwise as he leaned his head back to rest against the wall and sleep overtook him.
Meanwhile in Alyssa’s room Clark hovered at his sister’s bedside willing her to wake up. He held her hand tightly and wept silently. He prayed and held on to her hand never letting it go. He couldn’t, after all a brother was supposed to protect his baby sister wasn’t he? He felt like a complete failure at that. He’d been so consumed with his own little family he didn’t realize that maybe his sister would need some advice in starting her own. He shook his head removing his thoughts and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “Please be okay.” He whispered willing her to get better.
A few hours later…
Nick awoke to the shuffle of the morning nurse’s shoes over the linoleum. “Morning Dad.” She said brightly.
Nick groaned and looked at his son seeing that not much had changed through the night. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s progressed a little, it’s common with cyanotic premies. They’ll progress here and there, but don’t put your hopes up too high it’s still a very difficult disorder.”
“Do they normally survive?”
“Sometimes, a miracle happens, but not usually unless they’re old enough for surgery.” She replied politely as she could.
Nick felt a wrench go into his side at the nurse’s words. He didn’t want to believe it, he couldn’t bring himself to. He needed to stay positive didn’t he? Mary came in with a coffee cup a few minutes later and sat by his side. “Hey you. How are you holding up?”
Nick gave her a pitiful look and took the coffee from her with an appreciative nod. He sipped it letting the caffeine course into his system. “I’m doing okay by the way. Noah’s progressed a bit.”
“That’s good, I’ve come to relieve you for a little bit. You know you should go get something to eat. Maybe go see Alyssa. She’s still sleeping but I’m sure it’d be good for you.”
“No I should stay.”
Mary shook her head, “No go honey you need something to eat. Noah needs a strong father, and you’re not strong if you don’t eat something, I promise I’ll call if anything happens.”
Nick relented he was starving in fact, and he did really want to check on Alyssa. He knew that Noah would be okay with Mary, she was after all a heart surgeon and knew a thing or two about infants. He went down into the cafeteria of the hospital and got himself a bowl of soup and a drink. He sat eating it mulling over his thoughts and decided to get some presents for his soon-to-be wife and child. He finished and got up going to the gift shop. He picked out balloons for Alyssa’s room with a card in which he scrawled a long message for her to read once she fully woke up.
Just as he was picking out a stuffed teddy bear for Noah he sighed and checked his phone. No news was good news right? He breathed in relief and pulled some things for him and went over to pay. Having a set of balloons and a good sized teddy bear he went into the elevator going to Alyssa’s room first seeing her still asleep. He kissed her forehead and placed the balloons near her bed giving Clark a pat on his shoulder.
“Hey man how is Noah?”
“Progressed a little, Mary sent me to get some food for myself and I stopped at the gift shop on the way back.” He grinned a little. “How is she?”
Clark sighed. “She’s doing okay, she’s sleeping pretty soundly. She’s doing good though she should probably wake up later tonight, she’s been through a lot lately so I’m sure she’s taking full advantage of the sleep.”
Nick chuckled, “That’s Alyssa, she doesn’t sleep unless her body makes her. It was always that way in high school and in college it used to drive me nuts! Especially when we first moved in together I’d hear her pacing in the kitchen at 2 AM. God I’d give anything to hear that again.” He said as his cell phone went off. He picked it up in a hurry. “Mary?!”
“You need to get up here quick.” She stated then hung up. Nick ran out of the room grabbing the bear and went to the elevator. He cursed as it took forever to get him to the floor. He ran down the hall past the nurse’s station and flew down to his son’s room and saw an empty incubator. Nick whirled around seeing Mary standing there her hand over her mouth to quell her sobs. “No…” Nick half whispered as he dropped the bear and backed up to the wall his back hitting it then slid down it sitting on the floor. “No..no no no….” He kept saying over and over.
Mary sobbed and placed a hand on his shoulder, “I’m so sorry honey, we lost him…” She said joining him on the floor holding him as he sobbed in complete and utter despair.
If you read, let me know what you think okay?
Author's Chapter Notes:
So this is one of the hardest chapters I've ever written so please whether you love it, or hate it let me know. I know many of you will think I'm cruel for all the cliffies but honestly this is going to be the biggest pivotal change in the story that will eventually get better!!!
Chapter End Notes:
A big huge ginormous thank you to Mel and Tri...you two helped me so much with your love support and questions. They're oh so appreciated!
