Chapter Thirty: There’s No Such Thing As Progress Without A Little Regression
Alyssa stirred violently in her sleep jolting herself to a sitting position, her breathing labored and her mind running a mile a minute. Nick sat up next to her. “Are you all right?” He asked in concern he’d been woken up by her movement from his side and it worried him to see her body language: her shaking form, the cold sweat and pounding heart.
Alyssa shrugged him off and lay back down. “I’m fine just go back to sleep.” She said coldly.
Nick sat there frozen for a moment before laying down again wrapping his arm around her waist. “Are you sure?” He whispered.
Alyssa opened her eyes and sighed in frustration. She turned to him and gave him a long glance. “I’m fine really now can we please go to sleep?” She replied. Nick relented and they fell asleep slowly again. Later that morning Alyssa was in the bathroom standing in front of the new mirror they’d replaced just a day before, braiding her hair in a loose French braid before she would go to her private therapy session.
Nick walked in grinning seeing her hair up again. He was glad that she was able to stand in front of the mirror again without shattering it with her fist. He’d hoped that in time she’d be able to open up as to why she’d done it but he knew Alyssa and he knew it was definitely going to take some time. He walked over and placed a kiss on her neck only to have her pull away with an awkward look. “Hey…what’s going on?”
“Nothing, I’m just really tired.” She tried to explain to pass of her emotions as of late. She didn’t want to bother him with her petty recurring nightmare, and what’s worse she didn’t want him to think she was being clingy or obsessive over the fact that he still hung out with Emma even after his admission that he was attracted to her all those months before.
Nick stopped her as she went to move out of the room. He made her look at him in silence for a moment then moved in placing a romantic kiss on her lips. His tongue traced her lower lip seeking entrance to her mouth. Momentarily she lost herself in the kiss placing her hands firmly on his forearms that led to his hands firmly planted on her waist. They deepened the kiss momentarily pulling back slowly after a few more moments. Alyssa kept her eyes closed and Nick pressed his forehead to hers. “I love you…don’t you ever forget that okay?” He said softly and quietly just over a whisper.
Alyssa opened her eyes and pulled back a little and gave a weak half smile and nodded. “I love you too.” She said giving him one more lingering kiss before walking out to go to the doctor’s office.
A little while later…
“So Alyssa tell me about this nightmare you keep having.” Dr. Pinsky asked as he looked at her over the rim of his black wire framed glasses.
Alyssa straightened herself looking down and her hands folded primly in her lap. “It’s really simple I find out that Nick’s been cheating on me all along and that he doesn’t really love me.”
She watched as he made some notes and gave her a thoughtful expression. “Is this because you have a fear that he’ll end up leaving you, or cheat on you to get revenge for what happened last year with Brandon?”
Alyssa’s eyes widened for a moment and she shrugged. “I guess I mean normally he’s not the most faithful of boyfriends to all his other girlfriends. So I guess I’m just waiting for him to get bored with me and find what he’s looking for elsewhere.”
“Hmm so do you think Emma is a threat?”
“How do you know about Emma?”
“Nick spoke about her a few times, a business associate and a friend of one of his sisters right?” He explained leaving out the parts where Nick had been struggling with the attraction and dream about Emma.
Alyssa looked down at her hands noticing how the red scabs on her arms were beginning to heal more and more. She regretted it more and more that she’d cut again. But in a way maybe it was good that she had. The event and the scene that Nick had walked in on made them realize a lot of things in the relationship neither had wanted to neither see nor admit. “I just…I trust Nick…he promised me he wouldn’t cheat…but then why am I having so much doubt?”
“It’s completely normal to have cold feet when you’re engaged, sometimes we think becoming paranoid a little bit can be dangerous. But really you’re just concerned. You know you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and that you want to marry him. I think what you’re most afraid of is finally letting go to be fully happy.”
“Yeah I guess so, I guess I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“Because inevitably it will right?”
“Yeah...”
Dr. Pinsky grinned at her. “Don’t worry so much, bad things will always happen, and we can’t predict them all we can do is meet them head on when they do happen. So my assignment for you is tomorrow after your session with Nick, I want you to not be scared about telling him about your doubts and fears. Chances are he has similar ones as well that he’s too afraid to come out with.”
“Okay I think I can do that.”
“Good…so tell me about your relationship with Nick. What first attracted you to him?”
“His eyes actually. I’ve always had sort of a weakness for blue eyes. Then of course once I got to know him his personality and goofy attitude was extremely attractive.” She explained.
He grinned at her admission. “So when did you become physically attracted to him?”
“When he was 19, before then I’d always seen him as this sort of gawky older boy who I liked to talk to occasionally who made me laugh. But I guess in 1999 everything changed. I saw him on television a lot more because the band was huge that year and I kept track of him. I was so proud to say, hey I know that guy, but I didn’t go broadcasting it around school because no one really believed me when I’d tell them. So I kept it quiet so I wouldn’t seem like I was trying to be popular because of who I knew.”
He nodded and took some more notes, “And in that time when you saw him again that fall did you ever express your growing feelings to him?”
Alyssa chuckled and shook her head. “Are you nuts? He had a girlfriend and I couldn’t just tell him that, it would have ruined our friendship we were both such completely different people than we were back then.”
“So do you think that you’ve ruined your friendship now by falling in love?”
“I don’t know…”
Dr. Pinsky glanced at his watch, “Well I want you to think about that and we’ll discuss it tomorrow in your session with Nick. It’s something I really want you two to talk about. But unfortunately we’re out of time for today.” He said as they both stood. Alyssa shook his hand thanking him before heading out of the office. She headed to her truck in a haze, her mind deep in thought. Had they ruined their friendship by having more?
Alyssa cleaned up around the house before going to school happy to be home from Nashville and that Nick was home as well. They’d had a good few days since they started therapy and she had become to really rely on him being there for her. She saw Nick come into the kitchen as she made her lunch and she grinned slightly. As much as it hurt still that they’d lost their child it still helped to have those happy moments here and there when it was just the two of them, to distract them both from their grief. She heard the doorbell ring and glanced at Nick.
“Oh that must be Em…”
Alyssa’s eyebrow arched, “Em?” She asked slightly more incredulously than she had intended.
Nick gave her a look, “Yes, Emma…you know Beej’s best friend? We’re still working on the restaurant idea together.” He said going to get the door.
Alyssa nodded and packed up her lunch. “Ohhh.” Alyssa replied and followed him out to the foyer. She stopped when she saw Nick embrace Emma briefly greeting her. “Hi Emma.” Alyssa said with little politeness to her tone. She didn’t mean to be rude but just the thought of Emma being around threatened her. Especially when so much was still uncertain in their relationship.
Emma grinned a little seeing Alyssa there. She couldn’t deny the slight disappointment at seeing her. She knew and respected Nick and Alyssa’s relationship, but still she couldn’t deny the feelings she’d been having towards Nick that had grown over the past few months. “Hey Alyssa. How’ve you been?”
“A little better here and there it’s still a struggle.” She admitted slightly trying to make polite conversation for Nick. Alyssa felt uneasy in her stomach whenever Emma was in the room, simply because she knew Nick had at least at one time had been physically attracted to her. And that fact alone scared the hell out of her. That he’d been so attracted to another woman that he might have done something to satisfy that attraction. It scared her truly to her core that it could come down to that. Would she be okay with it? She’d have to be wouldn’t she? Since she’d slept with Brandon over a year before wouldn’t she have to be understanding since he’d forgiven her? Alyssa sighed and stuffed her lunch into her book bag giving Nick a short but sweet kiss. “I’ll see you guys later. I have this five hour seminar to get to.”
“Have a good day at class.”
“I will, and of course I have proposals and a discussion board to grade when I get back.” She replied with a slight grin. She liked having the distractions from her pain, it helped her move past them in a way that she didn’t have to constantly think about them every second. That maybe over time and through therapy it’d get easier and easier to deal with by letting life distract her at times from the painful events of the past. She walked out with her bag with one final goodbye to Nick and Emma. She got into her blue Range Rover pausing slightly to look back at the house. She shook her head and the anxiety that lay within the pit of her stomach. She took a deep breath and pulled out of the driveway trying to boost her own confidence in her relationship, she knew nothing would happen right? She knew she could trust Nick implicitly, after all he wouldn’t fight so hard for their relationship to survive to ruin it by cheating would he?
Meanwhile Nick watched Alyssa as she drove out of the driveway and down the street. He sighed and walked Emma out to her car. "So let’s go to the restaurant I think you’ll love how the renovations are coming.”
Emma nodded and followed Nick to the restaurant seeing the outside hadn’t changed much at all. When they got outside she stopped and studied it. “You sure I’m going to like the new place?” She asked with a slight sarcastic grin.
Nick rolled his eyes and began walking up to the restaurant. “Come on. Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to judge a book by its cover?” He said with a lopsided smile. He didn’t wait for a response and began pulling her arm towards the doors. “Come on!”
Emma chuckled at his childlike enthusiasm and his smile made a surge of butterflies flutter in her stomach. She shook her head and followed him she couldn’t keep bottling up her emotions forever could she? But then again, with Alyssa around she didn’t want to jeopardize their working relationship either. They walked up the small ramp leading to the double French doors he’d had installed. He worked very closely with a local architecture firm designing the place to be cozy like a dining room at home but at the same time be able to fit the growing demands of a city like Los Angeles. She looked at the outside the old brick building still looked the same but with a fresh coat of paint it may look completely different within just a few coats.
Nick opened the door for her letting her walk past him. Emma always enjoyed that the most whenever she and Nick would hang out. No matter what he was always respectful and courteous to the fact a woman was in his presence. She figured it came with the territory of having as many sisters as he had as well as living with Alyssa for so many years. She sighed at the thought of Alyssa. Nick had come to confide in her when he and Alyssa first found out that their child had passed away. She couldn’t imagine the grief both of them felt let alone the despair at not being able to help one another get over that grief. Her thoughts stopped when she saw the set up of the room. The hostess podium the tables and chairs and high vaulted ceilings. A balcony where there sat a VIP section of tables and two corridors, one leading to private party rooms and the other leading to what Emma could only imagine being the kitchen. She looked around the room seeing the various architectural styles used, from modern to art deco all used in unison with blending colors of amber, lavender, crimson and blue to create a calming yet energizing atmosphere.
“Wow…” She whispered seeing the low lighting on the walls then the lights on the table giving the entire restaurant an intimate feel. She looked at each of the tables with tablecloths that matched the colors of the room some round for groups and others square or rectangular depending on the size of the party. She saw the chairs and how they were overstuffed high backed armless chairs that many people would have in their dining rooms at home. Each were covered in a deep blue fabric that felt like suede to the touch. “This is amazing Nick.” She remarked letting her gaze fall back to him.
Nick grinned and took her wrist taking her up the stairs to the VIP area that held about fifteen tables all decked out in deep shades of red and amber. “I figured if this takes off the VIP area would need to look even more awesome than below. Everyone would want to get up here that way.” He said with a wide grin. “Also you can see the whole restaurant from here, except for the kitchen, restrooms and the party rooms.” He added as well. They leaned on the railing and looked over to the lounge area. “I figured that while people wait for a table the lounge area could also work too. Like for people just getting cocktails or at a business meeting that doesn’t require actually having dinner. I think it would be a great idea to have it all set up like this.”
Emma looked over to the bar grinning at it seeing how everything was all lined up and ready to go. “So when are you thinking of opening this?”
“I was thinking in three or four weeks. Give you and Beej enough time to hire on a wait staff and some extra help in the kitchen too. Then have a huge opening, I could have Juliette do some major PR and get some well known faces to come to the opening aside from myself and the fellas.” He explained feeling very confident in his decision to help Emma with her plan. He’d also presented it a few weeks before to the other guys and they’d at first were skeptical of the idea since restaurants were an extremely high risk enterprise. However he let them all sit and think it over and let them give their final decision on the night of the opening when they could see how well the restaurant could do.
“What other celebrities are we talking about here?” She asked.
“The Hollywood A-list if we can swing it. However I don’t want just the party crowd coming here, although they bring in a lot of business sometimes it’s just better to leave them out. But don’t be surprised if a lot of the partiers of LA’s social night life decide to come here. It just means that this place is really popular, that’s the only reason why they’d come anyways.”
“Sounds like you speak from experience.” Emma retorted back with a laugh.
Nick sighed, remembering back to that stage of his life where everything involved where the next party was going to be, what the hottest club was, and who was going to be on his arm for the evening. Even back when he dated Paris he was still very much in that “in-crowd” phase but his experiences with the LA in-crowd made him see that, that life wasn’t all that glamorous as he originally thought.
Emma watched the range of emotions cross his brow as he thought for a moment. She hoped she hadn’t offended him in any way and wanted to smooth things over. “Sorry…if I…”
“Don’t mention it, it’s not a big deal.” He said waving her off slightly. It saddened him to this day that people still equated him with that crowd and Paris. He’d grown so much more than she had in the past years since they’d dated, couldn’t people see that he’d become a different and better man? At that moment Alyssa’s face came to his mind and he smirked a little. She’d been the one to change him, the one to make him realize how much he needed to become a better man all around. But she’d done it in the subtlest of ways. She never demanded that he change nor even really suggested it overtly. Just her being there by his side offering advice and friendship at every turn even in their romantic relationship her own fears had made him become the man he knew she needed him to be.
“Nick where are you?” Emma asked seeing he’d once again gotten lost in thought.
He sighed and glanced over at Emma seeing her concerned expression and took a breath. He couldn’t believe just a few short months before that he’d been attracted to her so blindly that he’d almost ruined the best relationship he’d ever had. True Emma was a gorgeous girl, but she wasn’t what he wanted or needed in a woman like Alyssa was. “I’m fine…let me show you the kitchen I think you may just die from shock.” He said with a grin and began leading her down the stairs into the kitchen. He watched her walk into the enormous commercial size kitchen with large refrigerators, stoves, skillets and fryers, alone with a brick oven and other more modern ovens as well. The room was big enough to fit 30 people working in it and was all brightly light and clean looking with lots of whites and silvers and blacks from all the different cutlery, paint, appliances and such throughout the expanse of the room. He watched her walk around the room noticing that only a few things had been stocked in the fridges for testing and interviewing various sous chef applicants.
“Are you hungry?” Emma asked looking over at Nick.
He nodded and watched her bring out various fruits and vegetables along with some chicken and seasonings. He settled himself on one of the counters relaxing a little as he watched her cook. She uncorked some wine and pour two glasses then poured some into the large frying pan on the stove letting it sizzle and crackle against the heat. Nick watched her cook and sipped his wine wishing that it was Alyssa cooking in front of him instead of Emma. True he didn’t mind working with Emma but at the same time, lately he’d been just desiring Alyssa’s company solely not even wanting to be around his normal friends or even his band mates for the most part. And really all he could think about at the moment was what she was doing in class at that very second.
Meanwhile…
Alyssa sat in her class trying to stay focused on the teacher’s lecture. It wasn’t helpful that the two women seated in front of her were busy gabbing about their personal lives. She thought of Nick and grinned a little as she attempted to take notes on different teaching methods and their effectiveness in higher education. The professor seemed to rattle on and on about the Socratic method and she sighed, that was the method she hated the most. Where she’d have to cold call on students with questions based upon the material instead of fostering a discussion. She always found that it only gave way to short answers with the least amount of words to get the right answer. It irked her to no end that sometimes professors relied on that method more than engaging the students in a thoughtful debate and discussion of the topics at hand.
Alyssa’s thoughts were interrupted yet again by the blonde woman seated directly in front of her. “I can’t believe he did that to you Joan…” The blonde said.
The other, presumably Joan took a shaky breath, “He said they were just business associates and nothing more. I can’t believe he’d cheat on me with some dumb little airhead from accounting.” She whispered back.
“And to think you’ve been together for how long?”
“Three years next week. I should have known he would cheat on me, all men do don’t they?”
The other woman sighed and patted her friend’s hand, “I’m so sorry, men really suck sometimes.”
She tried not to hear it but the conversation struck a chord in her, and suddenly she remembered the fight with Nick from months before and shook her head. If he was that attracted to Emma before, what had changed? Had he slept with her already? Alyssa suddenly felt sick to her stomach and silently thanked God that the class was coming to a close. She closed her book and stuffed them quickly into her bags. She rushed out of the room and headed out into the fading late afternoon light. She breathed heavily as she rushed to her truck getting in and peeling out of the parking lot. The mere thought of Nick cheating on her made her feel like she needed to vomit. She headed to the grocery store to get something to quell her nausea. She stopped at the supermarket she normally did when on her way home from UCLA. She walked around breathing as deeply as she could picking up odds and ends she knew she needed for the week then went to the pharmacy grabbing some anti nausea medicine tossing it into her cart.
Alyssa barreled down another aisle rounding the corner quickly crashing into another cart. She looked up and saw an all too familiar face.
“Alyssa…” Brandon said with a surprised expression. “What is this the second time we’ve run into each other at the supermarket?” He said with a light laugh remembering their last encounter all the way back in January.
She grinned, “Hello Brandon how are you?” She asked not the least bit concerned with how he was feeling but was compelled to be at least polite to him.
“Good, you? I heard through the grape vine about the baby…sorry to hear that…” He said with a sympathetic look.
Alyssa shook her head, “Don’t be, it just wasn’t meant to happen now that’s all.” She reasoned hoping that her statement could fix the pain inside her heart that swelled at the mere announcement that someone else knew of her monumental failure. “I’ve been about as good as can be expected with what happened and all.” She lied hoping he’d leave it at that and leave her be.
“How are things with Nick? You two hitched yet?”
“No we’re planning on for sometime next year with the tour and everything happening it’ll be a little hectic but worth it.” She explained. “How’s everything with you?”
“Good, Court and I are getting married in November. It’s funny how things work out don’t they?” He said with a grin. “You didn’t answer my question though how are things between the two of you?”
Alyssa nodded, “Pretty good, we’ve hit some definite rough patches but I think we’ll be all right.”
“He hasn’t cheated on you right?” He said making Alyssa’s face pale. “I don’t mean to frighten you or anything, but Court she got some revenge on me for what happened between you and I last year. And frankly I deserved it. How I treated you and Nick and Courtney was appalling. So I’m surprised Nick hasn’t done any revenge on you. It seems completely logical.”
Alyssa swallowed hard and nodded, “No he hasn’t needed to, we’ve had different problems to deal with that have been much bigger and much less petty than cheating.” She replied glancing at her watch. “I better get going. I’m expecting Nick home in time for dinner.” She lied, she knew that he’d be gone for a few more hours discussing and going over the final things for the restaurant but some how as she bid farewell to Brandon she hoped in her mind that he’d some how get the message to come home early. She got home and checked the mail grabbing the stack and the small bags she’d purchased at the grocery store and lugging them all into the house. She put away all the perishables in the fridge and looked at the mail seeing a card from her friend Trina from her pregnancy yoga class. She felt a twinge of guilt in her stomach and some sadness that she hadn’t kept in touch with either of her friends from the class since she had to be pulled out of it and put on bed rest. She opened the card seeing the pink card noticing that it was an invitation to her baby shower and a little note attached inside.
Hey Ali hope you’re doing okay, call me sometime soon would love to see you again. Mel moved to North Carolina for a teaching position there. Pregnancy yoga just hasn’t been the same without you two! Hope to hear from you soon!
~Trina
Alyssa calmed herself and the pang of emotions that surged through her. She picked up the phone and dialed Trina’s number hearing it ring, once, twice…
“Hello?”
“Hey Trina…it’s Alyssa…” She said softly on the other end trying to hide the sadness that still came out of her voice.
“HEY!” Trina nearly shrieked into the phone. “It’s been so long since I’ve heard from you how’ve you been?”
Alyssa took a breath and thought, “I’ve been better…”
“What’s going on?”
“Well, you remember when I stopped coming to yoga class?” She began figuring explaining from there would be the best idea. When she’d been placed on bed rest she’d distanced herself from everyone practically even Nick so a friend or two she’d made in pregnancy yoga was easily pushed aside. Then when everything happened with Noah, she pushed everyone aside even more focusing solely on her own pain and torment. She knew now that it was a selfish thing to do but at the time she couldn’t think of anything else better. She had wanted to preserve everyone from her anguish and she thought she’d been doing them a favor but only she was really hurting herself.
“Yeah and?”
“Well I was put on bed rest, and ended up losing the baby.”
Trina gasped and sighed, “Oh honey I’m so sorry was it a miscarriage?”
“No I was about 6 months along and with so much stress in my life with Nick’s mom, and my sister getting put in the hospital.”
“Wait why was your sister in the hospital?” She asked even more concerned.
Alyssa chewed her lip for a moment then began to explain, “Well Nick’s mom had been driving me crazy, and so my sister Olivia came down to see me. She went out with her partner and they were attacked.”
“Attacked oh my…”
“Yes it was horrible and I ended up going into early labor because of the stress. I bled out on the table and Noah, my son, died a few hours later from heart and respiratory failure.” She explained feeing a few tears slip down her face.
“Oh my, Ali I’m so sorry honey no wonder you’ve been so absent. How are things with Nick?”
“Getting better, I hope. He’s with Emma right now working on his investment in her restaurant.” Alyssa replied.
“Emma the girl that you didn’t like right?”
“It’s not so much that I don’t like her it’s that I just don’t trust her around him. My fiancé is pretty attractive so I can’t imagine that she’s not attracted to him. And at the same time he had this attraction to her a few months back but he said he’d gotten over it. I just don’t know…”
“Do you think he could be cheating on you?”
“I don’t know…”
“Don’t worry I’m not trying to put ideas in your head. Just trying to figure out if that’s where you’re going with this.” Trina explained. “I had a scare with a woman my husband worked with. I didn’t trust her and she had a nasty habit of trying to be a home wrecker so she started putting the moves on my hubby I went to work and talked to her and said if she came near him that she’d get a broken nose.” She said with a slight chuckle. “But the question is….do you trust Nick?”
Alyssa took a deep breath, what a loaded question that was. “I do trust him. It’s just hard with his track record. So anyways have you talked to Mel? She moved to North Carolina right?”
“Yeah, she’s really happy there she found her idea position at a local school there and hell will even get her student loans forgiven.”
“I’m sure it was really hard being pregnant and moving 3,000 miles away!” Alyssa exclaimed. She’d really liked both girls a lot when she’d met them and felt extraordinarily guilty for not having kept up on their lives and let her own life, drama and pain get in the way. She rang off about ten minutes later with Trina with plans to meet up the following week for lunch. She saw Layla come trotting into the room and she grinned. “Hey pup…” She said scratching her fingers along Layla’s back who wiggled appreciatively in response. She played with her a little bit playing tug of war with a braided rope toy. Finally she let go and watched Layla parade triumphantly around the room that she’d won. “Silly dog I swear.” Alyssa muttered to herself as she filled Layla’s bowl with kibble and gave her some fresh water. “Eat up, just you and me tonight I think Layla baby.” She said shrugging Layla stopped and looked up at her almost questioningly. “I don’t know where Nick is, he’s off with Emma.” Alyssa said making a face then laughed when Layla growled a little at the mention. “Yeah I don’t trust her either…” Alyssa replied letting Layla eat. She shook her head at herself as she went over to the refrigerator. “A conversation with a dog? You really have lost it Alyssa.” She muttered under her breath to herself while she surveyed the contents of the fridge.
Back at the restaurant…
Nick chuckled as they sat in the restaurant just having finished their meal. “I’m really impressed Emma, you’ve come a long way with your cooking.” He said with a wide grin. “And your business sketch is perfect, I think Howie will be the first to jump at it. He’s always great with real estate.” He added looking around the room. He was astounded at how well everything had come together so quickly and so well. He could only hope that it would be the same sort of quick recovery when it came to his relationship with Alyssa, however he had a feeing that it wouldn’t be all that easy. Alyssa had always been a very stubborn woman even as a teenager she was always the most hard headed person he’d ever encountered even more so than Kevin. He sighed and looked at the empty wine bottle starting to feel the effects a little from the wine he’d imbibed. Emma got up and went to take the dishes away. “Sit!” He commanded standing. “You cooked so I’ll clean up, it’s how Alyssa and I have always worked it.”
Emma nodded and sat down watching him gather up the dishes and leave the room. She knew that she cared about him a lot. And maybe the wine was beginning to really give her the courage but his simple gestures and kindness got to her. She had to tell him, had to be honest with him. She could respect his relationship as much as possible but she couldn’t deny herself of her own feelings could she? After a few minutes she walked over looking out over the restaurant from the VIP area. Nick came walking back up not long after. “So how are things with you and Alyssa?” She asked concerned with his relationship.
He sighed and leaned on one arm on the railing. “We’re doing better…it’s gonna be a really long hard road to get back to the relationship we had. Or maybe to a better one…” He said with a deep breath.
Emma sighed and placed her hand on his forearm. “I’m really sorry that all that drama and shit has happened to you. You don’t deserve it. You’ve been such an amazing help and you’re really a great guy Nick.”
Nick shrugged, “It’s what happens when you fall in love, you take a risk and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.”
“You know you’re right and uh well…” She said standing up straight and tall feeling her confidence brighten. His words struck a chord in her and she couldn’t tell if it was the wine or just the way he’d said it but she had to tell him right then. “How do you tell someone something that you’re sure that will shock them?”
Nick stood up seeing her expression. “I don’t think I quite understand what you’re saying.” He said trying to completely understand what she was getting at. She couldn’t be trying to tell him what he thought she was right?
“I…well you know you get to a point where…Oh screw it…” She said and moved in pressing her lips to his.
He sucked in a breath and placed his hands on her shoulders as her lips met his in that instantaneous contact. He gently pushed her away from him. “Whoa…uuhh Em I uhh…what are you doing?” He asked completely shocked and bewildered by her forward move on him.
Emma bit her lip. “I can’t help it anymore Nick. I respect what you have with Alyssa and all but I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep hiding how I feel about you. I’ve tried and I…”
Nick held up his hand and backed away. “No…you can’t…I can’t…Emma no you can’t feel like that.”
“Well I do Nick. It’s so hard to hide it. And I love you. I’ve completely fallen for you.” Emma studied his face seeing the unchanging frozen shock expression on his face. “Now would be a good time to say something…” She added hoping to provoke some sort of response out of him. She knew that his answer alone was going to be enough to seal anything that may or may not happen between them.
Nick stood there and shook his head. “Emma…I’m sorry but I can’t. I love Alyssa…I could never do that to her.” He explained distancing himself from her. “I’m really sorry but I think I should go… I’m sorry but…I just…I can’t…” He said turning and leaving her alone with her thoughts. Nick rushed out to his truck the entire experience had sobered him completely as he shifted his truck into gear and headed for home. The mere thought of Emma’s words and actions had shocked him completely wondering why he hadn’t seen the signs before. She always laughed at his jokes, seemed to be permanently single and was always ready to hang out whenever he was. He shook his head as he sped towards home with the thought solely in his mind that he’d ultimately made the right choice by leaving to go to the only woman he knew he loved and wanted.
If you read please take some time to let me know what you think! I'd love to hear from all of you! Thanks so much for the awesome reviews thus far keep it up! They're highly motivating hehe!
Author's Chapter Notes:
so my chapters are coming out a little slower right now, it's the end of the semester so please bear with me as I go through finals and graduation in the next couple weeks. Anyways I hope you all like, as you can tell from the title it's not an easy recovery at all.
Chapter End Notes:
To my betas, and my future roommate Tri, thank you so much for all your help!
