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Author's Chapter Notes:

Alyssa's hormones are causing some very erratic behavior.



Chapter 31- Hormonal Overdrive


            Alyssa's fifth month of pregnancy rolled in just around November and with it came the arrival of some very bizarre hormones. She'd already noticed some differences in the way she'd been acting at earlier points in her pregnancy. She was definitely a lot moodier, more impatient, and cried a lot easier, but by month number five she was a certifiable basket case. All it took was for someone to look at her the wrong way and she'd burst into tears. She'd get angry over the littlest things. One day she'd screamed so loudly at her class that a few of the other teachers had stuck their heads in to make sure everything was okay. Whenever she wasn't angry or depressed, she found herself at the entirely opposite end of the spectrum. Yes, as Teri's cousin Lisa had warned her, those lovely hormones had definitely taken control over her mind and body, and Alyssa found herself ping ponging from clinically depressed to unbelievably horny several times a day. She was mentally kicking herself for thinking that she'd never get as bad as Lisa had warned. If anything she felt worse.


            As if her life wasn't complicated enough sans hormones, they only made things ten times more confusing for her. With these new batch of hormones came the sudden emergence of some very vivid, very real feeling, sexual dreams. The kind that woke her up in the middle of the night in a deep sweat and panting heavily. The kind that made her blush just thinking about them. But, the worst part was that they were all about Nick. As if things between them weren't weird enough. Thankfully after doing some research on some of the pregnancy forums that she frequented online, Alyssa quickly was reassured that it was actually quite common to be having sex dreams about old boyfriends at this point in her pregnancy. Something about how it reaffirmed that although you're not at your most attractive at this point, but you could still be considered desirable to other men. She was actually a little surprised to find out how many women were gong through the same thing. Only of course their situations were a little bit different in that the ex boyfriend they were dreaming about wasn't actually the baby's father.


            Dreaming about Nick made actually being around him extremely difficult for Alyssa. He was almost always stopping by, even when Alyssa didn't ask him to. Sometimes it really felt to her like he might just as well move in and take up Sean's place in the closet because he was there so often. He was always doing things for her like helping her with housework, or taking her shopping, or helping her cook dinner. Alyssa appreciated the help, but she also wondered what Shayla thought about Nick playing house with another woman. Of course him doing so much for her only made her appreciate him more, so factor in those dreams, and some out of control hormones and it made being around him almost unbearable. And she'd thought the sexual tension between them had been bad before? It couldn't even compare to this.


            Alyssa tried to limit her contact with him as much as possible, but it was very hard when he seemed to always be around. She did her best to avoid him when she could, but of course every time she looked at him she found herself nine times out of ten imagining him doing something dirty to her. It was driving her absolutely crazy.


            It amazed her the range of emotions that she could go through all in one afternoon, how the littlest things could turn her into a sobbing mess. The afternoon of the first Saturday in November was no exception. Needing badly to get out of the house and away from Nick, she, Kim, Callie, and their children had walked over to a nearby park for the afternoon. Thankfully the weather was still warm enough for Callie's children to play on the playground and burn off some energy. The three women had parked themselves on a bench where they had a good view of Carly and Rich.


            "Are you happy that it's a girl?" Kim questioned as she rocked Gavin's stroller with her feet.


            "Yea... I mean I didn't really care what it was as long as it's healthy," Alyssa admitted. "But it is a bit of a relief to know what I'm having. One less thing to worry about, you know?"


            "Uh huh... And she and Gavin will be close in age. Who knows? Maybe they'll grow up with each other and fall in love someday," she dreamily predicted. "We could be in laws."


            Ugh, gag me... Alyssa thought. Kim was a good friend of hers, but honestly sometimes she really could grate on her last nerve and the fact that she was apparently already planning on her daughter marrying her son before she was even born was definitely a little irritating. She wasn't sure if she could stand having Kim as an in law some day. "Well, let's just wait and let the poor thing enter the world first before we start planning her future, ok?"


            Her reply must have come out sounding too bitchy because Callie just laughed. "Ahh... The joys of pregnancy. I'm so glad I'm done with that!"


            Kim nodded her head and agreed. "I'll let you go this time only because it wasn't that long ago for me, but you do have to tell me one thing. Who is that blonde guy who is over at your house like every day?" She smirked. "Is he like your secret lover or something?"


            "How do you know who's been coming and going from my house?" Alyssa asked sounding a little defensively. "Do you like spy on me or something? And why is it that he has to be my ‘lover'?"


            Kim just laughed. "Relax Lyss. I was just joking about that. I know you'd never do that to Sean. And I've just seen him around a lot. I do only live across the street, you know. It's kind of hard not to notice at times."


            Alyssa looked away for a moment, feeling guilty. It almost made her feel worse to know that her friends assumed that she'd never dream to ever cheat on Sean with another man. "It's just my friend Nick. He's been coming around and helping me out with things around the house since Sean is away. He's really a big help with me being pregnant and all."


            "That's great that you have someone to help you," Callie told her. "I couldn't imagine going through my pregnancies without Steve around."


            "Yea same here," Kim agreed. "I give you so much credit for doing this without Sean. You must be going insane."


            More than you probably realize, Alyssa thought to herself. Before she could say anything more she was interrupted by the sound of Gavin crying from his stroller. "He must've just woke up," Kim explained as she lifted him out of the stroller and attempted to calm him down. She glanced at her watch. "He's probably pretty hungry. It's about that time of day. There, there buddy... Mommy's going to feed you one second." She bounced him on her knee as she lowered her top with one hand just enough to discreetly breast feed him.


            Alyssa's nose wrinkled uncomfortably. She'd always had a problem with women who breast fed in public. She knew it was completely natural and healthy, but it wasn't something that she thought should be displayed for everyone to see either. It wasn't something that she'd necessarily want an older child seeing. Normally she'd keep her mouth shut, but she wasn't in the best mood. She was cranky and irritable and overtired thanks to a certain blonde who happened to be haunting her dreams. "Do you have to do that out here? They have restrooms for that."


            Kim looked up at her surprised, but her eyebrows her knitted into a tight frown. "There isn't anyone around. And besides breast feeding is perfectly normal and natural. I can't exactly control where or when my son decides he wants to eat."


            "I just meant that you could take it into the bathroom or something. I just think it's rude to breast feed in public. Not everybody wants to see that," Alyssa argued.


            Kim now looked upset. "I used to feel like that too, but just wait until you have a screaming infant and you have no other choice. You'll be whipping out your boobs too."


            "Which is exactly why I'm not going to breast feed."


            She looked at Alyssa like she had two heads. "What do you mean you're not going to breast feed? Why wouldn't you?"


            Alyssa just shrugged. "Because I don't want to."


            "Do you have some kind of health problem preventing you from breast feeding? Because otherwise there's really no excuse why you shouldn't. It's so much healthier for the baby and it helps with bonding. Plus, its less expensive than formula. I don't see any disadvantages to breast feeding."


            "Number one, it means that I'm pretty much the only person who can do the feeding unless I pump extra milk into bottles which doesn't sound very appealing to me. Number two, I have to continue to be conscious of everything I put into my body. Number three, it does a number on your boobs and as selfish as it may seem I like my boobs just the way they are," Alyssa ticked off on her fingers. "Look, trust me I know the statistics. I'm a freakin elementary school teacher. I've had to take quite a few child development classes throughout college. I know breast milk is much healthier blah blah, but it's also a personal choice and I choose not to. My Mom didn't breast feed me or my two sisters and we came out just fine."


            "Those are really stupid reasons. In fact they're pretty shallow and selfish reasons. They all seem to relate back to you and as a mother you should be doing what is best for your child and putting their needs before yours. And by the way I hope you do realize that regardless of whether you breast feed or not your boobs are never going to be the same, so there goes one reason right there," the younger woman pointed out.


            "Are you trying to imply that I'm going to be a bad mother just because I decide not to breast feed in my child?" Alyssa crossed her arms over her chest, her dark eyes storming with anger.


            "It's the first major decision that you have to make in her life! Even if you only breast feed for three months, it'll boost her immune system and ensure her a healthier childhood. How could you be so selfish as to take that chance from her?" Kim fired back.


            Alyssa couldn't take it anymore. She finally blew up at her friend. "So now I'm selfish? Keep it coming Kim! Tell me what a horrible, selfish person I am! I'm so selfish that I tried to get pregnant for eight months with no results. I put myself through hell to get where I am right now! But still I'm going to be a horrible mother all because I don't want to breast feed my daughter? Never mind the fact that I'm working my ass off to try to give this child the best life I possibly can. But I forgot. You're perfect! You're mother of the year and you do everything right. What happens though when you're faced in a situation where you have no control over, huh? When there's no answer to your question in one of your parenting books? Then what do you do?"


            Seeing that this was getting heated, Callie stepped in trying to be the peacemaker. "Girls, this is getting out of hand now. You both need to calm down and respect each others opinions. Breast feeding is a very personal choice and it's up to the individual to decide what they're comfortable with. It's not a matter of being selfish or not selfish or a good or bad parent."


            But Kim was too angered at that moment to give in. "There's no reason to attack me because I choose to breast fed my son in public. Just because you're not secure enough with your body to do so, says a lot about you as a person."


            "And now I have body issues!" Alyssa threw up her hands as she stood up. "You know what I don't fucking need this. I'm so fucking sick of you and your self righteous bull shit! You think you have all the answers Kim, but guess what? You don't. You may have more experience in being a mother, but I have a hell of a lot more life experience than you, so don't you dare try to judge me and throw me under the bus all because I don't agree with your personal opinions! A real friend would support my decision, but I forgot you aren't a real friend." She turned around and began to walk away her blood pressure racing so hard she thought that she was going to explode.


            "Alyssa, calm down," Callie begged. "Don't leave."


            Alyssa whirled around for a moment. "I think I better before I do or say something that I really regret."




            By the time Alyssa had arrived back home her anger had subsided and now all that was left was the hurt that Kim had done to her emotions. Doing what any other pregnant woman in her situation would do, she collapsed on the couch and burst into tears.


            Was she really a selfish person all because she decided not to breast feed her child? Did that make her an awful person? Was she on the path to becoming a horrible mother? As most expectant mothers, she feared whether or not she'd do a good job as a parent or if she'd ultimately fuck up her baby's life, sending it on a path of self destruction and years worth of therapy. She was already doubtful enough with all the daddy drama she had going on. Maybe Kim was right. Maybe she was setting herself to be an awful mother. And she was selfish. She was asking Nick to lie to cover up her mistake. She truly was a terrible person.


            Is it really all worth it? she wondered to herself. As it was, she hadn't heard from Sean in several weeks. She knew that he probably was just really busy. Maybe he was even working on some special mission. But of course the crazy irrational side of her told herself that he suspected that something wasn't exactly kosher with her pregnancy and was avoiding her. There was no possible way that he could know the truth, but she was still overly paranoid. Maybe he'd changed his mind about the baby? Maybe he didn't love her anymore?


            Her pity party was interrupted by the sound of her front door creaking open and Nick entering balancing a plastic grocery bag in his hands. Lately Nick popped by so often unannounced that they were at the stage where it was perfectly acceptable for him to waltz right into her home without knocking. Usually she saw no problem with this arrangement, but of course she was a bit embarrassed for him to catch her in the midst of a crying gag. Thankfully Nick didn't immediately notice her tears at first as he closed the door behind him and began digging into his bag which gave Alyssa a moment to pull herself together a bit.


            "Hey Lyss!" he greeted. "I stopped by the supermarket on my way here and I picked you up some more double stuff Oreos. I also bought you peanut butter to dip them in. Blech!" He made a disgusted voice. "I don't know what I find stranger. The fact that you actually claim that double stuffed Oreos taste better with peanut butter, or the fact that just the smell of peanut butter used to disgust you before you were pregnant." He stopped and froze was he caught sight of Alyssa quickly wiping her red rimmed eyes. "Lyss? Have you been crying? What's going on? Did something happen to Sean?" He asked in a concerned voice before plopping down next to her on the couch.


            Alyssa just shook her head as she sniffled. "It's nothing Nick. You'd think I was psycho getting upset over something so dumb anyway. Thanks for the Oreos."


            Nick refused to take no for an answer though. He just leaned forward looking more and more worried as he grabbed her shoulders. "Obviously it has to be something to get you this upset. It might help to talk about it."


            Damn him, she thought. Why did he have to be so goddamn understanding? "It's not a big deal Nick. I'm pregnant. I cry over reruns of The Bachelor for Gods sake. It really doesn't take much to make me cry. I only do it like I dunno? Twenty-five times a day?" she tried to joke.


            "Well, I want to hear about it. If it's something stupid we can laugh about it together afterwards," he insisted.


            Seeing that she wasn't going to win this battle she finally gave in. "Okay. I'll tell you, but don't say that I didn't warn you. Kim and I got into a fight earlier this afternoon and it got pretty ugly. She said some really hurtful things and I just took it way too personally."

            "That's not bad! Better than saying you cried over The Bachelor," Nick pointed out with a laugh. "What was the fight over?"


            Alyssa felt her cheeks redden when she realized how stupid this was going to sound. "Breast feeding."


            "Breast feeding?" Nick sounded surprised. "Since when is that such a controversial debate topic?"


            "Since I told Kim that I didn't plan on doing it." Alyssa took a deep breath and started back up from the beginning. "Kim, Callie, and I took the kids to the park this afternoon and while we were there Gavin started crying, so Kim just started breast feeding him right there and I didn't mean to sound rude or judgmental, but I was just in a cranky mood, so I suggested she take the show into the bathroom or something. Next thing I know she's all getting defensive about how it's a beautiful, natural thing and that I'll probably do the same thing when my baby is born. So, I told her that I wasn't planning on breast feeding and she totally flipped out! She began spouting out all these statistics and reasons why I should change my mind and then denounced every reason that I did have for deciding against it." The dam of tears that she'd been holding back came flooding open again as she relived the argument. "She told me that I was being selfish and only thinking for myself and that I should put my child's needs before mine. She made it sound like I was a terrible mother all because I made the personal choice not to breast feed my child. Like she knows everything!"


            "Wow!" Nick sat back against the edge of the couch looking almost sorry that he asked, but quickly seemed to remember that he'd already offered to help make her feel better, so he had to continue acting concerned. "That's pretty crazy all right."


            His reaction only caused Alyssa to cry harder. "See? I told you that you'd think I was psycho!"


            Nick's eyes quickly darted around the room as he tried to think of some way to calm her down. "Well, I'm sure that you have your reasons for deciding not to do it. Like you said, it is a personal choice."


            Alyssa nodded her head vigorously. "I do have my reasons. I don't want to be the only person in charge of feeding all the time. I don't want to have to constantly pump milk from my body in advance for any time I can't be there. And I don't want to have to analyze everything I put in my body. I've been doing that for over a year now! Then of course there are my boobs..."


            "Your boobs?" Nick knew he was probably asking for it, but any conversation involving boobs definitely caught his attention.


            "Yes... Breast feeding does a number on them and its painful and uncomfortable and I don't want to do it! Kim says though that they're going to get fucked up anyway from being pregnant, which I know, but I think breast feeding would make them worse." Not even realizing she was rambling she continued on her tirade getting more and more hysterical with each sentence. "And speaking of boobs, I heard that after Christina Aguilera had her son she went up to an E cup! A fucking E cup! She couldn't have been more than a C before, right? I'm a C! I knew that they'd get bigger like to maybe a D, but not a fucking E!"


            Nick shifted in his seat a little uncomfortably now cursing himself for opening up a can of worms. He really didn't see the problem. Boobs were boobs and the bigger the better at least from a guy's point of view. But it probably would be better if he changed the subject. "Well, it sounds to me like Kim doesn't know you very well if she thinks that you're going to be a horrible mother because I think you're going to make a great one."


            Alyssa's face softened and she appeared to calm down a little. "Really? You really think so?"


            "Of course!" he honestly responded. "I mean first off you're really patient. Hell, you had to be putting up with me for so long. And the way you handled that situation with Carlos? I heard that you kept calm and really had a clear head throughout the whole situation. Most people would have lost it, but you really kept your cool. You're great with kids. Firm when you need to be, but not overbearingly strict. And I don't think you're selfish. Maybe you don't always do the right thing, but you usually only make bad choices for yourself to protect those around you."


            Hearing him say all that to her seemed to instantly turn her mood completely around. Her tears dried up and a small smile crept over her lips. "Thanks Nick. I really needed to hear that today. I've just been doubting myself a lot lately and that fight with Kim really made me question whether or not she was right. You're absolutely on the money about her. Honestly Kim and I tend to butt heads a lot. We have such opposite strong personalities and really if it weren't for the fact that both our husbands are in the military we probably would never be friends. I guess I shouldn't let what she says bother me so much."


            "You shouldn't. You're a great woman Alyssa and I know that you're going to make an even better mother."


            Alyssa stared at him for a moment. Not only had her mood done an entire one eighty, but she was very easily being almost seduced at his words. It was no secret that pregnancy could do a number on a woman's self-esteem, so hearing him compliment her was actually quite a bit of a turn on. Not like it took much anyway these days. "What did I do to deserve you being so great?" she asked. "I mean I'm a total bitch to you. I'm pretty much taking your child away and you're still by my side going out and buying me Oreos... Helping me around the house... Listening to me when I'm a crazy, hormonal, rambling mess? I just don't deserve you."


            "I'm still your friend Alyssa and I'm still the baby's father. It's my responsibility to be there for you. I'm just doing the decent thing," he replied.


            Alyssa slid over closer to him on the couch and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "I really appreciate it Nick. So much..." She lingered in his embrace as she buried her face in his neck. He smelled really good and she had to admit that she really missed any kind of intimacy with a man. She'd been tempted before, but never so much as she was right at this moment to take advantage of the situation. It was bizarre to her because usually Nick was the one catching her at a weak moment, not the other way around.


            Maybe it was because earlier she'd practically convinced herself that Sean didn't care anymore. Maybe it was because Nick was there and Sean wasn't. Or maybe it was because of those damn hormones taking control of her body. Whatever the reason, Alyssa grew very bold and leaned over firmly and confidently pressing her lips against his.


            Nick seemed surprised, but didn't falter. He eagerly returned the kiss, letting his hands hook around her waist. Just the feeling of his lips on hers was enough for Alyssa to crave more. She swung her left leg over his lap, so that she was straddling him as she begged for the kiss to grow deeper. As their mouths widened she was very aware of Nick's hand traveling up the top of her thigh. Meanwhile, her hands slid up his neck and raked through his hair. She was very satisfied to hear a low groan of approval when she lightly nipped at his bottom lip. His hands floated up her hips and down towards her butt. Her hips automatically grinded up against his, pleading for more contact. This was a very dangerous situation to be in, one that was getting more and more volatile by the second. Alyssa knew that she should put an end to this, but it felt much too good to stop.


            She could feel the cool touch of Nick's fingertips inching up underneath the hem of her shirt. It was almost as if they were a bunch of teenagers making out in their parents basement, which Alyssa loved. It had been a long time since she'd felt so much anticipation about where a few kisses could lead. She pulled away from his mouth, grinning before she moved over to suck at a spot on his neck. She pressed her hips deeper into his, almost challenging him to make the next move.


            She moaned against his neck when she felt his hand squeeze against her breast. She wasn't prepared though for the effect that his next movement would have on her. Her head shot up and she almost gasped in surprise when his fingers crept underneath her bra and rubbed against her extra sensitive nipples. She herself was a little shocked at how much pregnancy made every touch seem almost a thousand more times more intensified. Seeing the effect that this had on Alyssa, Nick smirked and continued to stroke against the hardened buds with his fingertips. "Oh my God, Nick..." she breathed in, her fingernails digging into the back of his neck.


            Finding her response completely hot, Nick hooked his arm around on of her legs and shifted their position so that she was laying flat on the couch with him over her. Pressing his lips aggressively over hers he continued stroking and caressing the sensitive area. Just by the strangled noises escaping from Alyssa's throat he could tell she was going crazy. He really wondered if he could get her to orgasm just from this. Her eyes pleaded with his to move on though, so he moved one hand down to the button of her jeans and was just fumbling with it when they were interrupted with shrill sound of Alyssa's phone ringing.


            "You don't have to answer it," Nick urged her breathlessly.


            He'd forgotten though that Alyssa's house phone was one of those that announced who was calling without having to look at the caller ID. "Phone call from Anthony Martinelli," the electronic device announced.


            Alyssa groaned. "It's my parents. I have to answer," she sat up trying to control her breathing before she got up from the couch and grabbed the phone on the fourth ring. "Hi Mom. How are you doing?"


            Nick frustratingly punched the couch. Why was it that parents always seemed to have a sixth sense for these kinds of things? In a way it probably was a good thing that they did stop. Things were messed up enough already and if Alyssa's mother hadn't called they probably would've been damn near fucking by now. He blew out a big burst of air as he glanced over at Alyssa who seemed to be discussing upcoming plans for Thanksgiving. "Mom! It's perfectly okay for me to travel. You know that! There's no reason why I can't fly out to New York for Thanksgiving," he heard her arguing. He could tell that the discussion was going to take awhile. It would probably be best for both of them if he left.


            He stood up and followed Alyssa who was now in the kitchen with the phone. "I don't see why all of you should come out here. It'll be expensive and I don't want to have to be in charge of making dinner." Nick tapped her on the shoulder. "Hold on a minute, Mom."


            "I'm going to get going. I'll talk to you later or something."


            Alyssa nodded her head. "Okay. Thanks for everything today." She paused biting her lip. "And I do mean everything."


            "Not a problem at all. Bye." He bent down and gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head before turning around and heading out the door obviously pleased with the way things had turned out.


            Relax Carter. Don't celebrate yet. She's overly hormonal in case you hadn't noticed. She'd probably try to make a move on anything at this point. Still though he couldn't help, but to feel just a little bit accomplished. His plan was working along perfectly. If things kept progressing at this rate by the end of her pregnancy she'd be asking Sean who?


            For the first time in a long time, Nick felt very optimistic about where things were heading.