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Author's Chapter Notes:
Yay another chapter! Seems I've started updating once a week huh? lol Well let's hope I can start updating more too. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews so far! Keep em coming they're all much appreciated!
Chapter Thirteen: Rumor Has It

“Come in with me.” Nick asked as they drove to the airport. Alyssa gave him an odd look and pulled into a parking garage helping him with his bags and walking him toward the ticket counter. He spoke to the clerk and handed her his two bags that he was checking.

“I see there’s two tickets here. Is the lady joining you?” Nick turned to Alyssa with an expectant glance. He’d definitely been hoping that she would indeed come back with him.

“Uh…”

“If you’re worried about clothes Kellie and you pretty much wear the same size. You can borrow some of her clothes for a few days.” He said with a grin.

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.” Alyssa said with an impish glance at the clerk.

“So you won’t be using the boarding pass?”

Alyssa shook her head, “No, not today at least.” She admitted. Nick sighed and gathered his boarding pass and they walked off to security. He looked down at his feet as they walked. He held her hand lacing their fingers. Alyssa did the same keeping her eyes focused on anything but what lay ahead of them. Out of the corner of both their eyes they saw a few flashes go off. Nick shook his head a little seemed like no matter where he went there was always someone taking pictures. He looked around seeing at least one paparazzo following them. Once they reached the line for security Nick stopped at a collection of chairs setting his carry-on down on it.

“You sure you won’t come back with me?” Nick asked his face falling a little bit more. He couldn’t deny that it hurt him a little bit more than he liked that she wasn’t going to automatically bend to what he wanted and drag her back onto the promotional tour with him.

Alyssa shook her head, “I’m on the verge of something and I wish you could stay with me but I can’t do it in hotel rooms and on planes and in limos and all that, I just need the peace of being at home for just a little bit longer.”

Nick sighed and pulled her close, closing his eyes and breathing in her scent hoping it would stay with him when she wasn’t in his presence. Little things like the smell of her shampoo or perfume where the things he always missed the most when they were apart. As well as when they were together it was those little things he always took for granted. “I just don’t want to be without you.”

Alyssa grinned as she nuzzled her face into his neck her forehead being lightly scratched by the patch of whiskers he was currently sporting. She pulled back for a moment. “Don’t be sad baby. It’s only a couple more weeks. I’m coming back for the album dropping in New York.” She replied trying to lift his spirits just a little.

“Yeah it’s just hard being the only one there without someone.” He admitted. It was really hard for him to stand there seeing Howie and Leigh being happy about their impending wedding, AJ and Kellie researching things for their pregnancy, Brian and Leighanne playing with Baylee. And there he’d be standing there, like a third wheel.

Alyssa gave him a sympathetic look and hugged him close placing a light kiss to his neck. “You can always call me anytime. I know it’s not the same but it’ll have to do for just a little bit longer okay?” She said as she broke the hug. Nick looked down and nodded. Alyssa sighed and pulled him back in kissing him softly. A moment later she pulled back. “I love you, be safe.” She said softly. All he did was nod in return and headed towards the line that had diminished somewhat. Alyssa swallowed hard seeing the hurt expression on his face. She felt the sting of tears reach the corners of her eyes and she closed her eyes as she turned to go back home. She knew being separated was going to be rough on them both but she knew for the time being that all the traveling wouldn’t help her much at all.

Two days later…

Alyssa answered the phone on the third ring hearing Kellie’s voice on the other end. “Why didn’t you come back?” She asked incredulously. She’d been seething since Nick had come back alone. The guys had sent him to see Alyssa and convince her to come back with him. So the fact that the plan hadn’t exactly gone how they all had hoped made her even more frustrated with her best friend.

Alyssa rolled her eyes, “Kel it’s not that simple. It’s just…”

Kellie let out a frustrated sigh, “No Alyssa, he needs you, stop being so completely selfish about all of this crap and just be with him.”

“Kel I’m not going to talk to you about this right now. Call me back when you are in a better mood.” Alyssa said as she hung up the phone. It drove her nuts that no one was really able to understand what she was going through or what she wanted to be a better person and all the stress of traveling around with minimal privacy is not what she needed at the moment. She hated to admit that she did really want to be with him, but she just needed the stability of being at home just for a little while longer.

A few moments later she picked up the phone dialing Nick’s cell. “Hello?” His voice said on the other end.

“Can you make Cujo back off a little bit?”

Nick chuckled, “What? What happened?”

Alyssa sat on the bed reclining back against the headboard. “My illustrious best friend Keller Elizabeth called and bitched me out.”

“What happened? What did you do to her? You know she’s pregnant and not in her right mind at the moment so…”

Alyssa rolled her eyes and interrupted him. “No it’s not what I did to her. Apparently it’s what I’m doing to you. Care to elaborate Mr. Carter…?” She said a little more sharply than she intended.

Nick chuckled and sighed, “Liss…I’m sorry I know what you need and that’s no traveling but it’s really hard without you here. I just wish you could see that I need you.” He said simply mentally smacking himself for admitting how much he really wanted her to be there with him by his side.

“Lover…” She began hoping the pet name would lift his spirits up just a little bit more. She tried to explain her actions better but then an old piece of advice came flooding back to her mind. ‘Don’t try to explain anymore it’ll just make him feel what you think he feels doesn’t matter’ She heard Kristin’s voice ring through her head. She shook her head and smiled at the words her friend had so rightly given her back when her and Nick had a problem on the Never Gone Tour. “I’m sorry baby. I really am.” She replied.

A few days later…

“So Alyssa lets talk about you and Nick for a bit. I’ve heard what you have to say when he’s around but let’s go deeper.” Dr. Pinsky suggested as they sat in his office.

Alyssa took a deep breath, “What would you like to know?”

“What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you see that ring on your finger?” He asked sincerely looking up over his black rimmed glasses at her.

Alyssa looked down at the glinting of the rock on her left ring finger and grinned. “I think of how he bought it. My dad took him to get it before he died and had Nick promise to take care of me as the man in my life when he would be gone.” She said with just a twinge of sadness in her voice at the mention of her father.

“What was Nick’s reaction when your father passed away?”

Alyssa sat back for a moment trying to think of what exactly his reaction was. “Come to think of it he was sort of stoic about it.” She admitted. She thought for a few moments. “God, he’s been doing that forever hasn’t he?”

“Doing what?”

“Saving his feelings in favor of what I’m going through.” She thought out loud to herself. Even when Collin had died he was there for her on the phone at the funeral to be her shoulder to cry on. Back when her father had died he’d held her as she cried at the loss of the best role model she ever knew. She’d even used him to take her mind off the horrible pain she’d been going through. Nick had always been there for her to be strong and almost unemotional at times with how he was always so concerned for her and her turmoil maybe she should have just slowed herself down and seen what had been going through his mind, his heart. “For so many years I’d gotten used to ignoring his actions to protect myself I guess it just became a really nasty habit.”

“So what do you want to do to fix this bad habit?”

“I should talk to him shouldn’t I? I mean God, all he’s ever tried to do was be there for me and I wasn’t there for him too.” She said sighing a little. “I love him. I love everything about him, even the stupid little habits that normally piss me off to no end I love because it’s all a part of his personality.”

“When are you going to the promo tour?”

“I’m thinking more like next week instead of right before the album drops.”

Dr. Pinsky smiled at her, “Before you do that, I want you to go to a support group. It’ll help you better see that you and Nick are definitely not alone in the fact that you lost your child. A lot of new parents lose their children everyday. From birth defects, sudden infant death syndrome, and sometimes-even heart defects. I think it’ll really help you see that it’s really no one’s fault what happened with Noah. I know we’ve been talking about Nick today but this will also help you relate to Nick more. Ask some of the mothers there about their relationships with their husbands, or significant others and how it either brought them together or ripped them apart. And then really analyze how your relationship has changed in such a way since Noah’s passing. Can you do that for me before you leave?”

“Yeah I think I can definitely do that. Can I also discuss it with Nick? I’ve been really trying to improve our communication skills lately.”

Dr. Pinsky nodded appreciatively, “I think that would be a wonderful idea Alyssa, most definitely talk things over with him. And most importantly talk about how it’s affected him too. Do all of that and work on the whole comfort level.”

“How do I do that? I mean I’m completely perplexed by that. I thought I was pretty comfortable with him.”

He thought for a moment before speaking. “Go outside your comfort zone, talk to him about what he likes what he wants, and do the same back talk about what you like and what you want. It’ll be an interesting conversation that’s for sure but it will definitely help you two gain the ground you need to gaining a much more intimate level of comfort. And definitely do not be afraid to try new things that you may not know he’ll like but think it’d be interesting to try. That’s one of his main issues. He wants you to express things you want to try without always having to get permission if it’s okay or not.”

That night…

Alyssa giggled to herself as she surfed the message boards. She thought it was hilarious that the fans were all speculating about her absence. She stopped laughing when she pulled up a picture of Nick looking rather stoic but in his eyes you could totally see he was not right with himself. She sighed and looked at the comments from the girls saying he looks haggard, like he’s been crying. Then the blame game started up blaming Jane, Alyssa and pretty much everyone under the sun for his foul mood.

She listened to the interviews of Nick dispelling the rumors of any possible break up and she sighed again, he shouldn’t have to put up with all of that. She knew now that it was the right decision to leave his side and seek the help she’d been denying that she needed for so long but at the same time she just didn’t like that he had to deal with the media fall out of her departure. She signed on to her MySpace emailing him a message and then stared at her blank blog. She began typing vigorously pouring out all of her emotions into the world wide web hoping that her message would not only get her thoughts across to her fiancé but his fans as well.

At the same time thousands of miles away Nick was idly surfing the net checking his email before he had to go do promotion on some European television show. He went onto his MySpace rolling his eyes at the gazillion messages in his inbox. After weeding out much of the stuff from the fans that he archived into a special folder for them he saw Alyssa’s message.

Hey sweets check out my blog, I wrote something that I think will cease all those ridiculous rumors about us. I love you and I hope to talk to you soon.

Always,
Alyssa


Intrigued by this he clicked over to her profile and on to her blog seeing the headline “Separation Anxiety…” With a slight chuckle he opened the post and began to read what she had wrote.

Life throws a lot of curveballs I must say. If you would have told me oh let’s say about five days before I turned 21 back in 2004 that I would have found the love of my life in my best friend I would have seriously laughed in your face. I didn’t want to believe that my best friend could be the man I’d always been looking for. We’d been through so many ups and downs and really as I look back I feel like it was all one sided.

As long as I’ve known him he’s been the “strong one” out of the two of us. I actually can remember back to the first few times we hung out all the way back in 1996 before he went back to his career in Europe like where he is right now. He tried to always put what his siblings wanted to do before himself. I think that’s really always been his way. Putting everyone he loves ahead of himself. Sometimes yes he gets selfish and really can anyone blame him? He’s a normal man, famous or not he’s still human.

And sometimes I really have to thank some of his fans that see him as a human being. One who’s capable of mistakes and hardships. I know I’m guilty of putting my personal idols (Jane Austen for instance) on a huge pedestal when really they’re just human beings too. Or in Miss Austen’s case were a human being and now a literary goddess. Anyways I’m getting away from my point here.

The past year, hell our entire friendship/relationship we’ve seen some really incredible highs and incredibly dark lows. This past year was the most difficult we’ve ever been through. The death of a child is something no parent should ever have to endure. Cliché as that sounds its extremely true. And through all of that pain and suffering we went through he was my rock through it all. Always the one to be there in a clinch when he’s needed most. And I think that’s what I’ve always been most afraid of. Relying on him and then one day when per chance he couldn’t be there I’d be all alone. I guess that’s why I’ve always tried to be the independent woman that I am. But honestly without his friendship, his love and most importantly his strength I honestly don’t think I would be where I am today.

So really in this long convoluted rant, I’m thanking him. Yes that’s right Nick I’m thanking you. I know you’re reading this and wondering why I put it here, but I wanted you to see it, wanted the world to see that no matter what I am truly grateful for you, my best friend, my lover and my soul mate.


Nick grinned as he read it over and over smiling wider and wider. It was really amazing how just one simple thing could completely restore his faith in their relationship and her ability to bounce back to the girl he fell so head over heels for over the years.




If you read take a moment to let me know what you think! =)
Chapter End Notes:
Tri! Thanks once again for all your beta-ing