Chapter Twenty: Mr. and Mrs. Dorough

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Alyssa Narrating:

I hate being separated. It seems that this year has brought a lot of separation between Nick and I. Thankfully it's only made our relationship all the more resilient but still. I'm sitting here on a plane to Florida, one of the first times that I've been there without going with or meeting up with Nick. True I'll be seeing him in a few days once he's at Howie's wedding.

That right there is awesome. Howie's finally getting married. Lord knows we knew it was going to happen because well hell he and Leigh have been together for years. It's logical that this would be the next step for the two of them. It's so funny to look at the guys now. All in extremely committed relationships.

For a long time I thought Nick would ever become as settled as Kevin or Brian let alone that Alex would get to that point too. Watching all five of them grow over the years even in a completely outside capacity as myself and much of their fan base has watched them is simply amazing. True I did get a lot of what really happened from Nick's viewpoint, especially when Alex went into rehab. That summer in itself was a real eye opener to Nick's personality. Before then it had all been about how we could have fun and forget about life and just talk about fun stuff.

Yeah we talked about touring and family and all that, but it rarely ever strayed into the negative aspects of our individual lives. But that summer, after I attempted suicide, getting me to open up at the same time got him to open up as well.

And that's what I hope will happen as well now more than ever. I realize now that he's always tried to be this strong person for me. But what I think he's starting to understand is that I can be just as strong for him when he needs it. I know there are certain things that he hasn't shared with me. How certain events in our long standing friendship and relationship have affected him in a lot of ways.

It sounds ridiculous that he hasn't told me before I know, but I think I needed to get through my personal demons to really understand that he was hiding his emotions in favor of what I was going through. Which if you really look at it, it wasn't helping me at all. Almost as if this whole thing was a really vicious cycle where neither of us could progress. But now that we've gone to an outside source for help I really believe that we're to the point where we can reach that level of honesty where if there's something that affects the both of us that we can talk about it and move on from it as a couple.

Sounds corny as all fuck I know but that's the thing we've been lacking from our recovery. And the sooner we gain that aspect, then the easier it'll be to deal with future events that will inevitably come up.

It's been quite a ride so far this year and I'll be completely happy when we celebrate the new year and get a completely new beginning. Next year is going to be insane I can tell already, between the tour, Kellie and Alex's baby, Nick's and my wedding and moving to Monterey all in the process. It's going to definitely going to take a lot of getting used to. I'm so used to being so close to everything and now I'm moving five hours away? Hell we're just south of downtown Monterey where the house is being built. I do love the area, there's good schools for when we have kids and all that but still. At least it's not far from Olivia, San Francisco isn't as far as it is from Los Angeles so pretty much it's the mid point between Clark, Lori, Kellie, work in LA and then Olivia up in San Francisco. And we've already decided to keep the house on Venice beach. I can't simply just part with it. Not after all the memories we've held there. So I figure when I have to go to LA or when Nick has to go to LA for business then instead of driving for 10 hours round trip that we'd have a place to stay overnight.

Not living in the craziness that is LA is definitely going to take some getting used to. Not having the paparazzi hounding us every time we go grocery shopping will be a welcome change that's for sure.

I almost can't wait to move to our new home though as weird as that sounds, the house is going to be amazing. There's a beach just down the way from our backyard that we share with a few other houses that's almost like having a private beach in itself although not at the same time. Then there's the dock where Nick can keep his boat instead of at a marina. Of course the property is amazing it's nearly 20 acres and the designs for the house and guest house is going to make it amazing being able to see the ocean first thing in the morning is something I've become rather partial to living in LA. And if we couldn't have that then I wouldn't be as happy about this major change in our lives.

It's amazing at how things change in the past few years. Going from a college kid living with my best friend to engaged and a college professor? I definitely didn't expect the way my life twisted and turned. But then again who does right?

I know as much as I envy Kellie and Alex for having a baby, that I'm going to be one of the first ones there when he or she is born. I'm completely happy for them and really I think it shows that I'm ready to try again when the time is right of course. I know I want to wait to try again until after we're married. Having a baby in the midst of planning a wedding? Not a great idea. And knowing that my sister, and my best friend are both having babies is a little bit heady by itself.

Besides I have so much else to keep me occupied and that's not even thinking about the wedding. Christmas for one thing is going to be interesting for sure. Going to Arizona to just relax and have fun with my family and spend time with my fiancé without deadlines and sound checks to make is just bliss to me.

If there's one thing this year's taught me it's most definitely how much I love and appreciate my family. It shows how much they care just by the fact they were willing to give us the space we needed to heal and grow.

And really it made me see how lucky I am to have a family like I have. And it makes me smile when I see my friends who have amazing families. Like Howie's for instance. He comes from an enormous family and they adore Leigh and her family. I'm actually kind of excited to see them get married. And helping Leigh out by just hanging out with her before the wedding and helping her get some of the fringe things done a head of time I'm sure is purely so she can just relax on their day.

I know Nick's really happy for the two of them. He and Howie have always been super close and he thinks the world of Leigh. Which is a little surprising considering Nick's reaction when Brian got married. He was upset that one of his best friends had gotten married and felt abandoned from what I can remember. I think also at the same time he was really young and he and Amanda were in the final throes of their relationship so I'm sure that had a lot to do with how he felt. It's been 7 years since Brian got married and it's definitely been one hell of a ride for him I'm sure.

And as time passes I hope he realizes that he can depend on me the same way that I depend on him.

End Narration.
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"I don't know how to thank you Ali, you're a real life saver." Leigh said with an appreciative grin.

Alyssa smiled back as they sat eating their lunches, a well deserved break from their hectic day. From getting the final dress fittings done to getting Leigh's family settled in the hotel and now they could relax for the rest of the afternoon before the wedding gets underway the following day. "You're welcome Leigh, seriously it's no problem, it's not like I had much else to do. I got up early and finished setting up my final online and then I called Nick to make sure he got in all right in Nashville. So really I should thank you for giving me something that would keep me from getting bored."

"True. I'm sure you could have found something to entertain you though." Leigh reminded making Alyssa snicker.

"Yeah pay-per-view movies in my hotel room, oh joy!" She retorted sarcastically. "But seriously I'd much rather get out and do something than sit on my ass all day." She added with a grin.

Leigh smiled and took a breath gathering her thoughts, "See I knew I liked you for a reason. I'm glad to see you back to your happy self."

Alyssa nodded, "Yeah I wasn't even all that happy for a long time. I mean with Nick I've always been relatively happy don't get me wrong. But ever since Collin died I'd always been kind of depressed."

"Tell me about Collin, Nick doesn't talk about what happened back then much."

"Well Collin was my first love if you could call him that. I thought I really loved him and he was a great guy, and a good friend. Nick and him even became friends when they met. And when he died it devastated me. But I realize that I didn't really love him as much as I thought I did. Cared for him most definitely, but really loved him? No, I didn't and it took me all this time to figure it out. I really loved Nick the entire time and just couldn't admit it to myself. Nor did I really want to."

"So that kept you in a depression for all this time?"

Alyssa chewed her lip for a second, "Partially, I mean it always weighed on my mind. But then for a few years Nick and I had this friendship after I tried to kill myself that nothing could touch. We'd talk and go out to have fun and just be around each other and it was seriously some of the best moments we've ever had. Then after my father died I fell even deeper into depression, seeing my mother so torn up but trying to hide it really hurt. I drove myself insane with all my doubts coming to surface to the point where we had all the drama happen. And the one thing that sent me over the edge was losing Noah. But he brought me back. He didn't give up on me. So really if you want anyone to thank for my turn around it's Nick. Anyone else would have washed their hands of me I think."

Leigh gave her a look and sighed, "I don't think anyone would have given up on you. I know Howie as well as the other guys were worried sick for a while." Leigh paused for a moment deciding on whether or not to tell Alyssa her initial impressions of Alyssa. "You know, I'm really glad I got to know you. Granted we all had our preconceived notions about you because the history between you and Nick wasn't shared with Howie or the others until right before they met you so it was like ‘oh yeah this is Alyssa I've known her for years but I never said anything because you may not like her'. At least that's how it came off to Howie. He was really leery of you to begin with mainly so he could protect Nick if you turned out to be another parasite girl like most of the women they encountered over the years."

"Yeah I can understand that I would have and did react the same way to every girl Nick ever brought around me. Granted I was also hurt every time he did that too because I was like why can't you see me? Sort of thing you know?"

Leigh nodded in agreement, "But as I was saying I'm glad that I gave you a chance, I know Howie is too. He's really proud of Nick to have found such stability in his life now. And I think we have you to thank for it, you've really made him grow up quite a lot."

Alyssa's pensive expression softened in favor of an appreciative grin, "Wow, thank you...It means so much to me that everyone has accepted me as his partner and all...Especially you and Kristin and even Leighanne too because you three really know what they've been through together as a band and as a family you know?"

"Well you're a part of that family too now." Leigh replied with a grin making Alyssa's grin widen even more.

***************************************
Nick Narrating:

It's nice to just chill and jam with my friends you know? Seeing Brent and his bandmates again is a definite welcome from life in LA. Now don't get me wrong I love my life, great career, amazing woman, and the family situation is improving all the time. I know it will never improve with my parents. As much as it saddens me to say but maybe I shouldn't even want that.

You'd think I'd learn, these are after all the same messed up people who brought me into this world. The parents I knew growing up were not all that great. In fact I really envy Alyssa for the parents she had. She's really lucky. I was lucky enough to get to know her dad before he died. To have him consider me as another son is one of the best feelings next to seeing her smile at me.

I appreciate that smile so much more than I used to. For a while I thought she'd never smile again with all the sadness she felt. And really I felt the same. Like all the happiness we'd had months before had been turned on it's head. I'm so glad she's past all of that, and accepting of what happened. It still really hurts when you sit down and physically think about what you could have done better.

I know I shouldn't think like that. That I should just keep moving forward and forget the past. It's hard though. Especially when I've been so focused on getting Alyssa well instead of getting us both well at the same time.

I guess that's why she's so damn determined to get me to face what I'd really rather not. Because I made her see it for herself and now she's trying to be the same for me. I mean I'm grateful as all hell that she really wants to be that for me. But there's a lot of things in my past that I'd really just rather forget. I didn't have the greatest childhood. Hell my only escape was the group and that was stressful in itself.

If I didn't have the guys though...I honestly don't know how my life would have turned out. They kept me relatively sane. It made me want to escape the insanity of my family more and more. Then Alyssa came along and she was my escape from the insanity of my life in the group. She came along just as we were starting to get famous and she would always listen to me no matter what. True I glossed over a lot of what I saw because I didn't want to talk about the less than reputable parts of what I do. The dark side of fame is really nothing to be trifled with. And really I had to keep her away from all of that.

Maybe that's why I keep a lot of how things affect me from her. Because I don't want to burden her with it. And really as archaic as this sounds I didn't want to come off looking like less of a man in her eyes either. Especially summer 2001. With AJ going to rehab, my best friend attempting suicide and realizing that I'm in love with her to boot? Definitely not what I wanted to talk about. I mean yeah I talked about AJ in rehab and that was merely to help her, to make her see that even success can be overshadowed by depression and self destruction. But did I tell her that I was falling in love with her? Hell no I didn't. I was scared shitless of what that meant for our friendship and I guess what I call willpower in keeping those urges where she was concerned at bay really was just repressing what I was going through.

It's really odd to look back at my life now that we're in therapy together. It makes me see that I really didn't have my life as together as I thought I did. Granted I did a lot of messed up shit back then. Including my less than honorable actions when it came to women.

I guess keeping how I feel about Liss at bay for so long on top of trying to keep my life with her separate from my life in the spotlight got me into a really bad habit of not talking to her as much as I really should have. And once both of those lives started overlapping I guess I just didn't know what to do.

Honestly I don't know what exactly she wants me to say or do as far as opening up. I know she wants me to lean on her, to depend on her the way she has with me. I love that she depends on me, and I'm glad that she has finally really let herself do that. But should that mean that I should do the same with her?

She is right, I mean I should be able to depend on her the way she depends on me, maybe I'm just scared that if I do I really will end up getting my heart broken. What if ten years down the road we're married and she divorces me?

Ugh I hate it when I do this to myself. I don't believe in marriage, so why in the FUCK am I getting married? Okay, okay I lied so I do believe that marriage can work and that it really sincerely could work if she and I work at it everyday. Which if that's the case, that means I do need to stop being an emotionally retarded man and just tell her what I've been trying to be so strong about for so long. Sounds ridiculous I know, believe me. But this past year has taught me that the more I try to shut things out the more I push her away. And I can't do that anymore.

It really sucks to admit that I need her. I couldn't even fathom admitting that to myself back when we were friends. Hell moving in with her in the first place was a huge step in that process. I didn't want to admit that I needed her influence, her presence even in my daily life. Having her around all the time changed me in a lot of ways, most of them in really good ways. Most of my friends see it. Especially close ones like Brent, Chris, the fellas...

When things are good between Alyssa and I like they are now I feel the difference in myself too. I'm happy, genuinely happy and I didn't think I'd ever get to a point in my life where I really would be truly happy about my life. I may not have a relationship with my parents like I wish I had but is that my fault? I don't think so, I mean I've tried haven't I? But I do have a pretty damn strong relationship with my brother, my sisters, and most importantly Alyssa. And then again I do have her family I can always look to as well.

I love her family, Mary has really become a mother figure to me over the years, always there to give support where it's needed. Clark, the man is my age, and he's already got a family. And then Olivia? God that woman is as awesome as her baby sister. You can tell Alyssa looks up to them and adores them both.

I'd kill for Aaron to see me the way she sees her siblings. And maybe he does and just doesn't show it. Our respective childhoods weren't very different with the exception that he got started in the business a lot earlier than I did. No thanks to my success I'm sure. But certain things we both had experienced growing up has brought us closer as brothers than either of us ever will be to the girls. Granted I adore my sisters, each one of them are so different yet so alike in so many ways. I think they're happy that they're gaining another sister with Alyssa. I know Leslie is. Then again I think secretly ever since Alyssa and I hit it off she'd been hoping that she'd legally become part of the family someday.

It's weird to think that in just 6 months I'm getting married. Yeah...Nick Carter...married man. That really is an odd concept in an of itself right there. But as weird as it sounds I couldn't be more happy about it.

End Narration.
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Nick stretched on the couch, rolling his wrists, and stretching his tired fingers from jamming and song writing for the past few hours. "Aw man don't tell me you're tired?" Brent chided teasing him with a grin.

Nick rolled his eyes and threw his pen at him. "Fuck off man." He replied gruffly and looked out the window at the storm clouds that were rolling in on Tennessee.

"Things not well with the Misses?" Brent asked with a snarky tone.

"No everything's really great with her. Just thinking is all." He replied shrugging.

Brent's eyebrows shot up in surprise at Nick not even batting an eye when Alyssa was referred to as the "misses". "Dude, it didn't even phase you that I called her ‘misses'."

Nick chuckled, "I chose to ignore it. I knew you were talking about Liss, who else would you call that?" Nick shot back. "But still I am marrying her in less than a year, might as well get used to her being a Misses." He added making Brent nod.

"So ya'll are done with all the drama you had the past two years?"

Nick nodded and grinned, "I know I am and she definitely wants to forget most of it with the exception of how I proposed."

"How did you propose?"

"At her family reunion, in Italian."

Brent's eyes widened, "Since when are you Mr. Romantic Mushy Stuff?" He asked his shock at his best friend's apparent change in his attitude towards romance.

"I knew she'd never forget it if I planned it right. So I went for broke. I mean come on it wasn't that hard to do that for her and you should have seen the look on her face when I did. Fucking priceless. I think she thought I was kidding around but I was dead serious, still am in fact."

Andrew laughed a little and sighed, "It's nice to see you so settled though. I remember when you were a messed up teenager all hung up on Mandy."

Nick snickered a little, "Yeah and I was just a little ridiculous about Mandy. Thankfully I got past that stage in my life. She's married you know?"

"Mandy? To who?"

"A professional hockey player. Mike's a pretty cool guy though. And she's really happy where her life is at so I'm happy for her."

"This is the same woman you drunkenly hoped would fall off a bridge back in 2000 if I recall correctly." Brent admonished making Nick chuckle.

"Okay so I was a little bitter back then but hey life is so much better since I went through all my horrendous relationships. Let's me see how good I have it with Ali. By the way she did want me to say hello for her. She said she felt bad she didn't have time to hang with us but Leigh apparently wanted to hang out with her before Howie's wedding tomorrow."

"So when are you leaving to make it to the ceremony?" Brent asked.

"Tomorrow morning, at the ass crack of dawn practically. Liss has been on my ass about making sure I get to the airport on time. Howie will be pissed if I miss his wedding after all."

"I bet he would be. How is Ali by the way?"

"She's good, probably taking some advice on how to plan even more efficiently or something for our wedding."

"It's weird thinking that you two are getting married. I remember when you were just realizing that you liked her." He remarked chuckling a bit remembering back to the summer six years before. "You were so hopeless it was funny. Although I don't really blame you she's hot."

Nick rolled his eyes, "Yeah she's hot all right...I should have made a move a lot earlier than I did. Because I couldn't be happier right now. This year was hell so far and I'm just really happy that it's almost over." He admitted.

"So what's the plan with the wedding and all, like you said it's less than a year away..."

"It's in mid-May, I still need to decide on the whole best man and groomsmen situation I know I will probably end up choosing Aaron as my best man since he's my brother and all..."

"What exactly does a best man do besides hook up with the bridesmaids?" Andrew asked wondering

Nick snickered, "Well all the bridesmaids are taken. Two are married, one is pregnant, another's engaged and one of the married ones is a lesbian sooo yeah..."

"Dude...whose the lesbian?"

"Olivia, Ali's sister." Nick said rolling his eyes. "Angela her partner will be there, but yeah Alyssa is one of the last to get married out of her friends. Kellie is in a pretty serious relationship with AJ they're expecting soon."

"It's weird though, the whole idea of you settling down with one woman." Brent remarked chuckling to himself at his friend's expense.

Nick shook his head and chuckled as well. "I know but hey at least you know she's not a trophy wife sort of girl. She's changed a lot since you met her."

"Changed how? I mean she was pretty quiet when I first met her back in 2000. And last time I saw her she was still the quiet type."

"Yeah but she's a lot more grown up I guess is the term. Granted she was mature for her age back then but now she's really grown up a lot. Hell we've been living together for 5 years now."

"Five years?! And how long did it take for you to finally cave and tell her how you felt?" Brent admonished giving him a look. Andrew gave them both a confused look not knowing much about the history between them. "When I was hanging out with Nick back in 2001 and Ali came to stay with him...well blondie boy over here pretty much realized that he was all in love with her." He explained making Nick laugh at the face he made at his best friend falling in love with some girl.

"Yeah and I waited to tell her until her 21st birthday...So two years after moving in together."

"You waited two years!?" Andrew asked astonished how anyone living with the person they loved could hold out two years before making a move.

Nick nodded, "Don't ask me why I waited that long, because seriously I don't really understand it myself. It was just really complicated and didn't really want to deal with all that I was feeling for her so I guess I repressed it for a long time."

"Yeah because if I remember correctly you were a total whore on your solo tour from the tales you'd tell me over the phone and all that."

Nick laughed as the three of them went to the music room and Nick sat at the drum set as both Andrew and Brent picked up guitars, "Yeah I know so should we get started?"

"Yeah most definitely. After today when do you want me back here for co writing?" Andrew asked with a grin.

"Won't be til January, I have Howie's wedding, then our radio tour then the holidays with the family and then January I should be back after a trip with the guys to cool down before going on tour. You'll be able to meet Ali then because she said she might come out with me so she could get away from LA for a while. All right...we ready to go?" Both Brent and Andrew grinned and nodded then began playing the opening lines to one of the songs they wrote.

The following day...

Nick woke with a start the alarm on his radio jarring him suddenly from his sleep. Out of all the things he hated about being woken up, waking up because of a rather obnoxious alarm certainly took the cake. He got up rubbing his eyes and showered dressing in jeans and a tee-shirt before going down stairs to leave for the airport. When he got there Brent rolled his eyes as he trudged out of the bathroom.

"How do you wake up so early?" He asked grabbing his keys, wallet and one of Nick's bags to throw in the car for the airport.

"Just used to it. Alyssa gets up really early at home so if I want to spend time with her before she goes to work I have to get up early too."

"Dude you're so pussy whipped." He shot back making Nick laugh at him as they drove to the airport.

"When has being whipped been a bad thing ever? Especially if it's for the right woman. Whipped equals brownie points which in turn equals more sex for me so it balances rather nicely."

"Ugh it's too early for math." He joked back shaking his head.

Nick laughed and sighed, "Dude you need a good woman then you'll know exactly what I'm talking about." He said as they pulled up to the curb-side check in. Nick looked up seeing the ominous clouds from the day before hadn't left yet. He walked inside bidding Brent farewell going over to the ticket counter. "Hi I'm here to pick up my ticket for flight 1498 to Orlando." He announced to the girl behind the counter.

He gave her his ticket information, the bag he needed to check and identification as she clicked away on her computer. "Here's your boarding pass have a good trip." She said brightly. He smiled back taking it from her and walked towards security.

As he queued up in line for security, he looked out the large windows just in time to see a rather bright flash of lightning in the sky. He sighed and shook his head. Something in his gut told him that this was definitely not going to be a good day. After making it through security he glanced at the television monitors that displayed all the flight information. He found his flight and the flashing red next to it confirmed his suspicions his flight had been delayed. Grabbing his phone out of his pocket he dialed Alyssa's number hearing it go straight to voicemail figuring that she was busy for the moment leaving her a message that his flight had been delayed as he took a seat at his gate a little defeated that he was definitely going to be late to Howie's wedding.

Meanwhile...

"Leigh you look amazing." Alyssa replied grinning widely as she watched Leigh pin her veil into place finishing her glamorous look.

Leigh beamed and hugged her. "Thanks again for being here. You should probably hurry to the airport to get Nick." She replied.

"Good point. I'll make it back in time for the ceremony." Alyssa responded bidding her farewell. She was happy that even though she wasn't in the bridal party she still got to be an integral part of one of her good friend's weddings. She went and got into her rental car chuckling to herself that she'd gotten ready for the wedding, in a simple black cocktail dress that came to her mid thigh. She figured that she'd look rather odd in the airport to be dressed up so much just to be picking someone up. Even though she had about 2 hours before he'd even be getting into Florida she still wanted to beat the horrendous traffic.

When she arrived at the airport about a half an hour later she walked passed the television screens with all the flight information already knowing from buying Nick's ticket in the first place what terminal she needed to be at. She found a seat by the security checkpoint that Nick would walk past to meet her I just about an hour and a half. Bored she pulled out her phone figuring she'd call up her mom and see what she was up to. Flicking it on she noticed that she had a voicemail waiting for her. She called the service and listened as she heard Nick's voice come over the receiver.

Liss it's me, my flight is delayed thanks to the weather. I don't know when I'll be getting in but I'll call you when I find out when they're going to board the flight. Anyways go on to the wedding without me I'll catch a cab and meet you there. Love you.

Alyssa closed her eyes sighing figuring that this would happen today of all days. She grinned and dialed his number and smiled hearing him answer.

"Hey baby..." He said with a sigh of relief that she'd gotten his message.

"Hey yourself." She said back. "What happened?"

"There's a storm, should have flown out last night when I saw the clouds rolling in but oh well. Tell Howie not to be too pissed at me. I'll try my best to make it before the reception but I can't promise anything. Just have to wait until mother nature decides to stop being a total bitch."

Alyssa giggled at his joke and sighed, "Only you Carter I swear you have the worst luck ever when it comes to traveling."

"Yeah especially last minute traveling right?" He said shrugging succumbing to his overall situation.

Alyssa got up and began walking out of the airport. "I'll let Howie know that you'll be late. He won't be happy you know. Everyone else got in yesterday."

Nick rolled his eyes, "Just tell him that I'll be there when I can, he'll understand."

"All right I'll let him know." She said getting into her car. She sighed and laughed a little to herself, "I love you, be safe and I'll see you when I see you I guess." She replied sarcastically.

Nick snickered and sighed again, "Funny, smart ass. Love you too and I'll get there as soon as I can." He said before they rang off both of them shaking their heads both thinking ‘Figures this would happen...'

About an hour later Alyssa finally managed to snag Howie away from his groomsmen and pulled him off to the side in the back of the rectory of the church. "What's going on?" He asked with a suspicious glance.

Alyssa chewed her lip, "I don't want to stress you out or anything, but ummm Nick's flight was delayed." She said nervously.

Howie chuckled and shook his head, "Figures that s-o-b would be late to my wedding." He said chuckling.

"You're not mad?"

"Nah, it's Nick I half expected him to skip the ceremony entirely."

"He probably will have to since he just got on the plane a and it's a two hour flight."

Howie shook his head and sighed, "He'll never change I swear, always does things last minute and ends up being late." He joked making Alyssa laugh.

"It's not a big deal then?"

"Well it is and it isn't, it's not like it's really his fault but I wish he could be here, the other three are. But it'll be fine, as long as he's at the reception is all that matters." Howie replied.

After their conversation was over she found her way up in the pews taking her seat next to Kellie and AJ both of them giving her an odd glance. "His flight was delayed." Alyssa replied flatly rolling her eyes at the situation.

Kellie chuckled and AJ snorted, "Typical Nick..." AJ said with a laugh as Howie made his way up to the altar waiting for the ceremony to begin. A moment later everyone stood as Leigh began her procession down the aisle. Alyssa checked her watch one last time figuring that he was just a little under an hour away from landing.

Later on...

Nick hurried off the plane changing in a restroom and grabbing his bags checking his watch every few minutes figuring that the ceremony was nearing it's end. He walked briskly outside hailing a cab instructing the driver to take him to the hotel dropping off his bags in Alyssa's and his suite. He came back out seeing Alyssa walk up and smiled at her, "Aren't you supposed to be at the wedding?" He asked with a grin making her stop and look up.

"I was just about to call you before I headed over to the reception." Alyssa replied grinning and giving him a hug. "Come on I have a rental car. I'm glad you at least made it before the reception." She said as they walked to her car in the parking lot.

"Why did you come back to the hotel?"

"I was going to see if you had got in yet so I could take you over to the reception. They're just getting the bridal party pictures done right now." She said as she pulled out of the parking lot and drive towards the palatial mansion where the reception was going to be.

"How was the ceremony?"

"It was beautiful, traditional Catholic of course so it took forever but everyone got all misty it was kinda funny. Kevin was trying to hide it and of course Kristin was laughing at him. Brian and Leighanne kept smiling at each other. Kellie got all teary-eyed and Alex held her hand and I was kind of there just so happy I got to see it. Howie was so nervous it was kind of cute."

Nick grinned at her as they pulled up in front of the mansion seeing AJ and Kellie standing on the front steps with Kevin, Kristin and baby Mason. As Nick got out of the car Kevin shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Figures you'd show up late!" He shouted making them all look over at Nick and Alyssa. Alyssa took his hand as they walked up to the mansion seeing their laughter die down as they approached.

"Real funny Kev..."

"Yeah we almost thought we'd have to give your speech without you." He shot back making Nick roll his eyes.

"I'm sure you could have pulled it off. But I'm here."

Alyssa grinned as the three couples all walked around to the back where Howie and Leigh were supposed to be making their grand entrance. Nick pulled Alyssa close to him and kissed her forehead as they mingled all around the large amount of guests. Hearing the sound of a helicopter everyone looked up seeing a white helicopter coming in to land right on the large grass lawn. "Only Howie..." Alyssa remarked loudly giggling at the spectacle of Howie and Leigh coming out of a helicopter.

Once inside everyone mingled around except for AJ, Kellie, Alyssa and Nick preferring to stay together for the moment before going to greet the bride and groom once their families had all gotten a piece of them. Nick laughed a little to himself as he watched the insanity surrounding Howie and Leigh. He leaned over and whispered into Alyssa's ear, "Please tell me we're not doing something like this?"

Alyssa chuckled and gave him a sympathetic grin before whispering back. "No because we're not having 500 guests either. Remember ours is very low key and that's how it's staying." She reminded making him take a breath in relief.

It wasn't that he didn't want a wedding, just that he didn't want one that was so elaborate. What he wanted was just a relaxing weekend full of family and a few friends to just have fun and enjoy getting married. Having a gigantic spectacle of a wedding was definitely something he did not want.

"Did you see the cake?" Kellie asked with a hand on her growing tummy.

Alyssa nodded, "It's gorgeous, Leigh gave me the card of the cake designer she went to I figure I might check em out although I won't need anything that huge." She said referring to the opulent cake that was sitting on a buffet table just 20 feet from them.

Seeing that the crowd had now dissipated the four couples, made their way over to Howie and Leigh each giving them a hug and a congratulations. "Hey you made it!" Howie said jokingly.

Nick rolled his eyes at him and gave him a hug, "Yeah sorry man stupid weather."

"No worries man, at least you're here right?"

"Yeah." Nick smiled back as the group formed a semi circle so that the photographer could take pictures.

About an hour later once the major festivities had died down for the most part and almost all the speeches were done Nick stood up taking the microphone from AJ still chuckling from the various jokes he'd told during his speech.

"We'll everyone knows I completely suck at public speaking but the plan was to have all of the bandmates say a little something about Howie and Leigh. And I volunteered to go last of course. But anyways, we've all heard how they began and such but I really just wanted to take this opportunity to say that I'm really happy for the two of them. Leigh I'd like to thank you first of all for getting the man to abandon the long hair. On average it's saved about 20% of the ozone layer because he doesn't use as many hair products anymore. So thank you for that." He paused getting a laugh from everyone at Howie's expense. "But in all seriousness I really want to thank the both of you for just being who you are. You've always been there for me when I needed someone to talk to and always were there for support even when I didn't always deserve it. You two amaze me that you two started out as colleagues and friends and found each other along the way. Howie you found an great woman to spend your life with and because of your example I found a great woman myself." He said glancing over at Alyssa making her grin at him.

Kristin giggled at the happy exchange between the two of them and patted her husband's knee making him smile as well. She saw Nick make his way back to their table and she laughed at him, "So what's this Leighanne and I didn't give a good enough example?" She chided jokingly making Nick roll his eyes at her and laugh.

"No I meant that since they started out trying to be friends first it kind of fits my situation a little better than yours and Leighanne's thank you very much." He shot back.

Alyssa giggled and took his hand, "You're such a sap. But it was pretty good speech babe, good job." She said pressing her lips to his in a sweet kiss.

He grinned at her as he broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to hers, "Thanks sugar."

Late that night...

Nick stirred in his sleep opening his eyes looking to his side where Alyssa was fast asleep her legs intertwined with his and her hand draped across his chest just over his heart. He picked up that hand kissing her palm before setting it down on the bed. With all his thoughts that had been swirling in his head the past few days he found it rather hard to really get any solid amount of sleep. As quietly as he could he slipped from the cozy sheets and slipped on a pair of boxers and went out on the balcony of the suite sitting on a chaise lounge and looking up at the clear Orlando sky.

He hated how his own personal demons sometimes came after him especially when he should be so extremely happy. It happened with Noah when his lack of having any real relationship with his parents drove him to attempt one with his own mother and that had certainly backfired. He sighed and pulled his legs up on the chair criss crossing them in front of him. Growing up in his amily certainly wasn't easy, being the oldest usually meant whenever there was a problem the others always came to him. He felt guilty a lot of the time knowing that when he could run away he did and ran far. It wasn't that he'd not wanted to be around his family at the time, it was that he couldn't handle the drama and needed to get away.

What he didn't realize is that the drama he was escaping that had been burdened on his shoulders for so long fell to Aaron after he had gone. He hated thinking that if he had just stuck it out and taken all the bull that his parents were doing that maybe his own brother wouldn't be so distrusting or as messed up as he'd become.

He was grateful though to be there for Aaron. After all it was better late than never right? It helped the deep guilt he felt in his heart that Alyssa was there for his siblings just as much if not more than he was. He couldn't understand why anyone would want to be apart of his rather dysfunctional family but none of it seemed to phase her whatsoever. She'd welcomed every part of him and his family into her heart, but then why did he feel the need to protect her from the things that he'd rather forget?

His thoughts were interrupted by a slight rapping on the balcony's doorjamb. He didn't turn to her knowing it really could be only one person. "Did I wake you?" He asked softly making her snicker slightly.

"Not really, though rolling over to find my fiancé not asleep next to me did jar me a little." She said with a smirk coming to sit in front of him on the lounge chair. She saw the worry grace his brow and her smile immediately diminished. "Lover....what's wrong?" She asked the concern she felt in her heart written all over her face.

Nick shook his head and looked away, "Just thinking..."

Alyssa chewed her lip then placed a hand on his cheek pulling his gaze back to her. "Hey, talk to me...what's going on in that head of yours?"

Nick shrugged, "Just thinking about a lot of things, my family and stuff like that."

"Care to share?" She asked giving him a sympathetic look. She truly wondered why he didn't talk very much about his childhood let alone the impact it had on him. She knew that something must have happened for him to want to forget it so much.

"Just I feel guilty...Do you remember when I first moved away from my parents place?"

"To live with Amanda in Tampa right?"

"Yeah, it was to escape as you know but I didn't realize what it would do to the others you know?"

"Wait what do you mean what it would do to them?" She asked truly confused at his admission.

He sighed figuring he'd get it over with. He wanted to tell her but still a large part of him wanted to protect her from the past. "Because without me there, then all the abuse was turned on them."

"Abuse? What do you mean? They...?" Alyssa managed to sputter out. True she knew from her own personal experience than Jane was a master at mental torture but he didn't mean physical abuse did he?

"I mean it didn't happen that often aside from my mom's normal everyday quest for martyrdom. But where do you think my dad got the nickname Captain Crown? He wasn't the nicest person when he would drink. He found fault with anyone he laid eyes on. The verbal shit was terrible on Beej. But I would aggravate him on purpose so he'd leave the girls out of it. Sometimes he'd just say something spiteful in response but every once in a while it got physical."

Alyssa's mouth opened wide almost astonished at the words coming out of his mouth. "You'd said in therapy that you'd suffered a lot of abuse growing up but I never thought, Bob would do that to you. Hell I'd suspect Jane before him. He was always so laid back."

Nick shook his head, "He's laid back now. But back then if he and my mom fought then he went and got drunk...it was not a pretty picture that's for sure. And when I moved out it seemed to shift from being on me to Aaron." He finally admitted getting all that out after so long made him just feel like he'd completely gotten punched in the stomach.

"And you feel guilty because you weren't there to protect him from it?" Alyssa added making him look at her. He nodded silently in response. "Why did you keep this from me for so long?" She asked her eyes already glassing over with sadness.

"Because I didn't want you to look at me like you are right now. I mean it was a rough life but it wasn't always like that. It wasn't like he came home everyday and got shit-faced and then beat on everyone. And being in the group allowed an even greater escape for the longest time. But I didn't tell you because I just didn't want to talk about it. It was enough that I had to deal with the fact that I grew up with a dysfunctional family but when I'd talk to you. I didn't want to think about it, I just wanted to talk to you and not focus on al the bullshit in my life."

Alyssa moved in closer, "I'm glad you're telling me now though. I guess I never really thought that you were just trying to really enjoy my company. I'm so used to Kellie and Lori spilling every little detail that I guess I expected that from you too. Can I ask you something?"

Nick nodded, "Of course..."

"Why do you always put my feelings before yours? It's not like your emotions mean less than mine so why do you do it?"

Nick felt his chest tighten at the question he didn't exactly want to get into why he always pushed his own feelings aside. "I don't know Ali, I just do I guess."

"Cut the crap Nick, come on..."

Nick looked away and sighed feeling the lump rise up in his throat. The events that happened just a few months before replayed in his head. He looked down at his hands and swallowed hard he hated just thinking of all that had happened. "You don't get it..." He said his voice cracking against his own accord.

"Then make me get it, tell me what's going on." She said moving toward him only to be stopped a moment later with Nick looking her straight in the face his eyes mirroring what his voice was about to tell her.

"I watched you die. Do you have any idea what that did to me?" He said sharply getting choked up. He sniffed a little trying to bite back the painful memories.

Alyssa sat back shocked at the sudden flood of emotion from him. "But I'm still here...baby..."

"Don't ‘baby' me, your heart stopped, for that brief moment you were dead and then watching our child struggle to live in an incubator only to leave and have him die while I'm checking in on you? I've never been so torn in my life. I felt...scared and I didn't have anyone to really turn to. I had family and friends and no one could really understand what I went through okay? It scared the living hell out of me when you attempted suicide but then to watch you die right in front of me because of some stupid medical glitch? You'll never understand how helpless I was." He said finally letting his tears flow freely cursing himself for letting the pain he still felt show.

Alyssa's expression softened and she stood on her knees and wrapped her arms around him hugging him and hence silencing their conversation. She felt him hug her back and hugged him tighter as she felt his shaking hands wrap around her waist. "I love you." She whispered softly.

He broke away a minute later shaking his head at himself, "I'm sorry...I don't know where that came from." He said wiping his eyes.

Alyssa shook her head and pressed her lips to his. "Don't be afraid to let out some emotion sometimes. Remember this is me here. You can tell me anything, fears, hopes, anything okay?"

Nick nodded and gave her a reassuring kiss. "Thank you for listening to me though." He said softly.

She smiled and laced their fingers, "I'll always listen to you, no matter what. Now come on let's go back to bed." She coaxed standing up making him stand with her. He grinned at her and let her lead him back into the bedroom of the suite, the two of them crawling into bed. Nick pulled her body close to his dropping a kiss to her shoulder and tightening his arm around her waist as they both drifted off to sleep once more.