“I knew I’d find you out here,” I heard him chuckle. I listened to his footsteps as they got closer and closer to my perch on the picnic table I had found outside. I had been trying to avoid the party at all costs. I knew that as soon as I went in there, I would have to put on a happy face, despite the fact that I felt like I was dying inside.

And now, the reason for my misery was sitting beside me, staring out into the vast nothingness, trying to find the words to ease my pain. “Let me save you the trouble, Brian. I’m sorry I ever said anything. I was being stupid and impulsive. It won’t happen again, and no one will ever have to know. Now, let’s just forget this whole thing ever happened and get back in there before Janie sends a search party out to find you,” I announced, trying to avoid hearing the things I knew he was going to say.

“Callie,” he said using the tone that he had created for those times when I was being difficult. And that was pretty often, so I heard that tone a lot.

“Brian, please,” I begged, not sure if I could handle what he had to say.

“You know I care about you, right? You’re practically my little sister, and it kills me knowing you’re hurting. I wish there was something I could do. I never meant for any of this to happen. Why didn’t you ever tell me how you felt?” he spoke anyway, ignoring my plea.

“What good would it have done, Brian? You were already with Janie. It just would have caused more confusion and chaos,” I sighed, trying not to dwell on the fact that he had just called me to his sister. It hurt knowing he thought of me in that way. It meant that he saw me as cute, as someone who needed protecting. He didn’t see me as a woman. No, he saw me as a little girl. He saw me as a child who needed guidance and advice.

“Cal,” he said again, the tone returning.

“Brian, please don’t use that tone on me. I know what I’m talking about. All it would have done was cause unnecessary tension. I know you love Janie. I’ve known it for a long time. I promise, I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me so much. I’m a strong woman,” I explained, trying to convince myself of my words just as much as I was trying to convince Brian.

Neither one of us was convinced. I could see the doubt in his eyes, and I could hear it in my heart and my head. But we also didn’t have time to dwell on it because Janie chose that moment to come out in search of her husband.

“There you both are! They’re about to start the toasts. We need you both in there,” she informed us, smiling at our simultaneous groans of dissatisfaction. “I swear, you two are so much alike. You’re the only two people I know who can finish each other’s sentences or say the exact same thing at the same time, even when you’re not in the same room.”

“We’re talented that way,” Brian and I said at the same time, laughing at our own corniness. That was one of the things that had first drawn me to Brian. He was just as corny as I was, and he felt no shame whatsoever for being that way. We both loved to make people laugh, even if it meant making fools of ourselves.

“Come on you two. We have a wedding reception to attend,” Janie laughed, scolding us as if we were her children, not her husband and best friend.

“Yes mommy,” Brian and I said, once again overlapping our words.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smart asses,” she laughed, pushing us through the door and into the crowded reception hall. I saw Brian shoot me a look, telling me our talk was far from over, as we all made our way to the head table. Since I was the Maid of Honor, I had to sit at the bride and groom’s table, with everyone’s eyes glued to my every move. I took in a deep, calming breath, getting ready to put on the performance of my life.

As soon as we were all seated, Alex stood up and started tapping his glass with his knife, trying to get everyone’s attention.

“So, I just found out less than an hour ago that as one of my ‘Best Man Duties,’ I am supposed to give the first speech of the night. Thanks for telling me sooner, B-Rok,” Alex said, mock-glaring at Brian.

“No problem, Bone,” he laughed, smiling that cheeky smile that seemed to be a permanent feature on his face nowadays.

“Yeah, well, we all know I couldn’t turn down the chance to be the center of attention for a little while – even on your wedding day. So here I go. I’ve known Brian for 12 years now. Twelve very LONG years, at that. I’ve traveled around the world with him at least a dozen times. I’ve shared the stage with him about a million times. And I’ve seen relationship after relationship leave him broken-hearted, broken-spirited, and with a broken ego. That’s why I couldn’t be prouder of him today. He’s finally found a woman who can put up with his shit, and, by some miracle on God’s green earth, loves him. I’m just glad he had enough sense to marry her before she left his sorry ass,” Alex laughed.

“Gee, thanks, Bone. Really,” Brian sarcastically interjected.

“To tell you the truth, Janie, I don’t know whether to commend you or to commit you.” The entire room was laughing by now, shaking their head at the craziness known as Alex McLean. “In all seriousness, though, I wish you both the best of luck. May you always find solace in the fact that you’ve found the kind of love that the rest of us can only dream of finding. I love you guys. Congratulations,” he finished, drinking his water while most everyone else raised their wine in congratulations.

The room was abuzz with discussion of Alex’s speech, but it didn’t last long. Soon, every eye in the room was turned in my direction, giving me my cue to stand up. I smiled as I looked out into the crowd.

“I don’t have any idea how I am supposed to follow a speech like that, but I guess I really have no choice in the matter,” I joked, shooting Alex a death glare to which he just smugly grinned and shrugged. “Well, I’ve known Janie since the two of us were in diapers. I remember when we were about 5 or 6, we went to her uncle’s wedding, and we made a promise to each other that night that when each of us got married, we’d be each other’s Maid of Honor. I never imagined that 23 years later, that promise would still hold true. Janie’s one of a kind. She’s the kind of friend you want when you’re at your lowest point because she won’t abandon you no matter what. She’s the kind of person that will support you, even when she thinks you are making the biggest mistake of your life. And she’s the kind of sister that worries about her best friend’s lack of a love life less than 30 minutes after she got married. She’s one of those people that deserves the very best that life has to offer, and I’ve never seen her happier than she is with Brian. I know that life has great things in store for the both of you, and I wish you the best of luck. May you have a long and happy marriage, setting an example for the rest of us about what the perfect couple should be like.” When I was done, there were tears pouring down my eyes. If I thought that the pain of watching them get married was bad, it was a mere prick compared to what I was feeling right now. Everyone else just thought I was crying out of happiness. Well, almost everyone. Brian knew better. He knew the real cause of my tears – of my pain.

I turned to Janie, smiling at my best friend who also had tears running down her cheeks. “That was beautiful, Callie,” she gushed, pulling me in for a hug. I couldn’t say anything, so I just nodded. “I had completely forgotten about my uncle’s wedding until you mentioned it. Can you believe it’s been 29 years since we first met?”

“Yeah, I know. It’s crazy,” I agreed. I looked at Brian, who was watching us intently, before turning my attention back to Janie. “I think I’m going to go to the bathroom and wash my face. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Alright. Thank you so much for being here, Callie. I don’t think I could have asked for a better best friend,” she insisted, releasing me from her hug. I felt the dagger in my heart twist even more at her words. I couldn’t stop the tears as they coursed down my face, and I rushed to the bathroom, trying to find some kind of peace.

I sat there, in the single stall bathroom, huddled in the corner, crying, for a good 10 minutes. I didn’t know how I was supposed to handle this. I didn’t know how to make the pain go away. I just wanted this night to be over and for Brian and Janie to be in Italy on their honeymoon. At least that way, I wouldn’t have to see them for another two weeks. Sure, I would be plagued with thoughts of what they were DOING on their honeymoon, but I wouldn’t have to face them. And I didn’t know if I could go back out there and face them again tonight. In fact, I was almost certain of it. My whole body was telling me to run. I couldn’t last another 5 hours watching everyone celebrate the beginning of their lives together.

I looked around me, at the barren room, trying to come up with a plan of escape when there was a knock on the door. “Callie, are you in there?” my sister called out.

“Yeah. I’ll be out in a second, Laurie,” I responded back, trying to mask the pain in my voice, but failing miserably.

The next voice I heard was not Laurie’s. “Callie,” he called, his voice drifting through the air like a melody. I walked over to the door, pulling it open just a crack so that I could see his face as he talked. I couldn’t say anything. I just stood there, staring at his face while he struggled to find the words to say to mend the situation. “Can I come in?” he asked, gesturing to the door I was using as a shield to separate myself from him. I sighed before opening it a little wider to let him in.

I looked at Laurie, who was studying the two of us with a keen eye. “I’ll be right out here if you need me, okay Callie?” she offered, letting me know that she was there for me if I needed to talk. But how could I tell her about this. She would think the worst of me. I nodded, closing the door as she returned to the party.

“Callie,” Brian called, trying to get my attention. But I couldn’t look at him. If I looked at him, I would lose all control, and I didn’t want to break down in front of him, even if it was pretty obvious that I had been crying for the last 10 minutes. “Callie,” he tried again, moving closer to me. I stepped back, not able to handle his nearness. “Callie, please look at me,” he begged, moving closer with every step back I took. I felt my back run into the wall, and I knew I had nowhere else to run.

“Brian, please don’t do this,” I cried, willing myself to be strong.

I felt him step even closer, until he was standing right in front of me, his chest brushing my own with every breath. I felt his hand caress my cheek, before gently grasping my chin and forcing me to look at his face. I fought him every step of the way, not wanting to be in this situation with him. I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say. What I knew he had to say. I avoided his eyes, choosing instead to stare at his nose in an attempt to remain strong.

"Cal, please. Why won’t you let me try to make things right?” he begged, his own tears starting to fall at the pain he saw etched on my face.

“Because there’s nothing you can do, Brian,” I explained, closing my eyes as a fresh wave of tears fell down my face.

“Callie, look at me,” he requested again. When I shook my head in refusal, he did the only thing he could do. He bent down until his eyes met my own. “Oh God, I’m sorry, Cal,” he apologized when he saw the raw pain shining from my dull, mossy-green eyes. Normally, they were a vibrant emerald green, but not today. Not for the last week. He pulled me into his arms, as I cried, letting loose his own tears for the pain he knew he was causing me. “I’m so sorry, Cal. I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating, over and over in my ear, barely loud enough for me to hear.

We just stood there, in the middle of the woman’s restroom at his wedding reception, crying. I knew that he wanted to make things right. In fact, he was desperate to make amends. He was too sweet a guy to just stand back and watch me suffer. But what hurt the most was that there was nothing he could do – that anyone could do – to make THIS pain go away. It was something I had to do by myself, and I think that’s what hurt the most. Nothing he could do or say would make things right. I was on my own. He was so used to being the one to help me solve my problems that he didn’t know how to react when he COULDN’T help.

Finally, we stopped crying. I looked into his beautiful, pain-filled eyes, and gave him a bittersweet smile. “There’s nothing you can do to ease my pain this time, Brian. I know you feel responsible, but you shouldn’t. It’s not your fault I feel this way. This is one problem I have to solve on my own. I just need some time. Away from you,” I told him, knowing I had to get this out if I was ever going to move on with my life, no matter how much it was killing me. “I think it’s best that we not see each other again until it’s time for the promotional tour. I need to get away. I need space. I can’t watch you with Janie without feeling like everything is falling apart around me. And if we are ever going to be able to save our friendship, or even our work relationship, I have to find a way to get over you. I can’t do that when you’re always around me. Please. I need you to do this one thing for me. I’ve never asked you for anything before, so please just grant this one request. If you care about me at all, you’ll stay away from me until I tell you I’m ready. Until I can handle seeing you again.”

He stood there, speechless and frozen by my statement. It took all of my willpower not to break down while I basically pushed him out of my life for the next few months. Since the first time we had met, we hadn’t gone more than a week without talking to one another. In fact, I had been the one to introduce him to Janie, and even when he started seeing her, he still made time for me in his life. And now, here I was, asking him not to contact me until I was ready – until I put forth the effort to talk to HIM. I wasn’t trying to hurt him, but I knew that is exactly what had happened. He was hurt that I was so willing to risk everything we had, but I could also see understanding in his eyes. He knew why I was doing this. He knew I had to – for my own sanity. For HIS sanity. And for his marriage. This was the only way. If we wanted a future, I HAD to do this. And he knew that. That’s why he wasn’t fighting me. Instead, he just nodded his head, a sad smile spreading across his face. We were risking a lot. We were risking everything. But it was necessary. He leaned over, kissing my cheek briefly before pulling back with a regretful sigh. He gave me one last lingering look before walking out of the room and out of my life – neither of us sure how long it would be before we would see each other again.

Once the door was shut behind him, I let the rein on my emotions loose. I cried harder than I had ever cried before. I knew I had just risked losing him forever, but I didn’t see another way. It may have hurt like a bitch, but it also left me feeling relieved. I knew Brian would respect my wishes. He felt guilty, thinking that everything was his fault. He was wrong, of course, but the guilt would make him stay away.

I finally pulled myself together, drying my eyes and trying to salvage what I could of my appearance. With one last look at myself in the mirror, I strode confidently out of the bathroom and back into the reception hall. I didn’t tell anyone I was going. I just left. Without a word. But just as I was about to make my escape, I looked up, feeling his eyes on me. I caught his gaze, giving him one last sad smile before disappearing out of his sight, praying I was doing the right thing. Only time would tell.