In the morning I wake up to an empty bed. I wonder where the kid has gone so early in the morning. I’m feeling much better, but my gash is barely starting to scab. This could be the perfect time to get the fuck out of here. So what is stopping me? Uh…nothing!

I get out of bed, head into the bathroom, take a quick shower and change my clothes. I pull on the sweater that Crystal gave me and throw the hood over my head. There has to be a car hidden somewhere around here and I’m taking it. Just as I slowly bend down I find a note on the floor.

If I leave she’ll be upset, because I didn’t even say goodbye. Kisses? I‘ve never gotten such a note, the kid is...I can’t think about that, she doesn’t matter to me. I shake my head hoping that will take the thoughts away. I grab my bag from the closet, pull it over my shoulder and haul ass. I’m almost jogging down the stairs when I come to a sudden halt “What the fuck?” I whisper to myself as I stare at a family picture.

It’s them, the baby, Kevin and a blonde. She must be the mother, that means that this is the right ranch and he’s not here. Now I wonder what ties Crystal to this place. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m getting the hell out of here, staying in the next town and I’ll just keep an eye on the place until this Kevin guy comes home. Then I’ll be my unscrupulous asshole self and shoot them both and get on with my fucking life.

I walk out into the frosty morning, there‘s an overcast and it‘s foggy. As quick as my body will let me I reach the barn and open the door. At the end sits an old Thunderbird, I look around like crazy trying to find a key. If I was the owner, where would I hide it? I look in the drawers to a desk in the corner, all around the barn and nothing. Check Inside the car…I‘m an idiot. I give the door a try and it opens easily, I begin to rummage every crook and cranny, but there is nothing. Finally I stuff my hand under the furry seat cover and there it is a single key.

I let out a chuckle of happiness, I‘m getting out of here and I‘m staying away from her. I wont let her change me. I put the key in the ignition and give it a try. Nothing. Another try. Nothing. “Oh come on bitch“ I mumble and she suddenly starts up, the motor is clanking like it wants to give out, but I press on the gas revving her to life.

Swiftly I throw the bag in the trunk, open the barn door and speed away from the ranch, leaving nothing, but a cloud of dust. ‘Hotel California’ by the Eagles is playing and I give it all the volume that I can, maybe it will drown all the thoughts, that I shouldn’t have in my mind.

A half an hour into my drive, I’m on a single road, surrounded by gravel, scattered dry trees and mountains in the distance. I see up ahead an old beat up structure that must have been a gas station zillions of years ago. I hit the steering wheel with all my might. I can’t stop thinking about her, I’m fighting the urge to turn the car around. Without thinking, I pull onto the gravel, and push the brakes with all my might, cranking the wheel. The car skids to a sudden stop, facing back the way I just came

I hop out of the car, cursing a storm, kicking dirt, swinging my arms everywhere. I’m pissed off at myself for being so stupid. I never in my entire life have felt this much passion and anger, mixed with a longing and odd feeling of pain inside of me. I kick the car a couple of times and then look up to the cloudy sky. “WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I DON’T NEED HER. I DON’T NEED THIS STUPID FEELING. I’VE NEVER HAD IT, SO I DON’T WANT IT. DAMN IT! FUCK!” I kick up dirt again. Then I hop back into the car, start the engine, and head back to the ranch.

A while later I pull up and notice a white pick up truck parked in the driveway, Nick is leaning against it and looks at me a little shocked and angry. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he approaches me, I have to admit the blonde is much taller and bigger than me.

“I…I forgot something.” I can’t believe that I’m stuttering. He doesn’t intimidate me one bit, but the anxiousness in the pit of my stomach seriously does.

He stands up to me “You’ve done enough JACK! Because of you she’s upstairs in a fit of cries, I’m not sure what she sees in you. I know your nothing good. What the fuck are you doing in Greenville? With a bag full of weapons?” he raises a brow, and pinches his lips in anticipation.

Shit! Let’s see how I get out of this one. Wait a minute, I don’t have to prove shit to this fuck. He should be glad I’m not pointing my gun at him right now. “Who the fuck are you to ask me questions? The kid has a mind of her own. Doesn’t she already have a father, she doesn‘t need another one. How about you get the fuck out of my face, before I...kill you.” I glare at him, I’m ready to kill him, he’s a fucking pest.

“Fuck you!” he snaps back at me, with a shove, that sends me staggering backwards, I crash into the car. Never have I, ever, let someone put a hand on me, unless it was for sexual purposes. He’s done it this time.

Oh that’s it motherfucker. I lunge at him, my fist slams into his jaw. He groans in pain, but it doesn’t stop him from letting me have one right in the nose. I hear a snapping sound, my eyes instantly water and it feels like my nose just shattered into thousands of pieces. I feel the blood trickle down my lip and into my mouth, I spit out the copper taste.

I reach for my gun, that’s stuffed between the waist of my pants and my back. I’m mentally prepared to shoot him. Just as I feel the cold steel Crystal comes running down the stairs and tumbles into me “Jack…you came back…” she hugs me so tight, I can hardly breathe.

My hands fly up, I can’t bring them to wrap around her. I don’t want to. I mean I do, but I wont. “Shit Crystal I can’t breathe.” I mutter and pull her away “I just came back for something” I state and make way towards the house, not without giving Nick a deadly glare, I can hear her right behind me.

“Wait…your still leaving?” she’s pulling on my sweater, trying to get me to turn around.

I’m so angry at her. I can almost say, I hate her for turning my life upside down. I push my door open and I start to pace, cursing under my breath. “Crystal just leave me alone right now!” I try and be as…nice as I can be.

“Why did you really come back?” she asks, her eyes are red and puffy.

“I…I forgot something.” there I go stuttering again, damn it. I hate this…I fucking hate this. I run my hand over my head, knocking off my hat. I want to hit, shoot, smash…

“Jack? Please tell me why you came back?” I can see the hope lingering in her eyes, the hope that I returned for her. “Tell me…” she whispers desperately.

I look at the ground as my breathing starts to go back to normal. There is no way I’ll let her know that I came back for her. That I can’t bare the thought of never seeing her again. “I came back for…my gun.” I bend down and take it from under the bed.

She shakes her head “Your lying, just say it. Admit it already…stop fighting it. Jack…” her voice is high pitched and shaky.

The woman is frustrating me, and I can’t help, but snap at her “What the fuck do you want from me Crystal? Would you stop being ridiculous, I don’t know what he hell your talking about.” I point towards the door “I told you to leave…just…” I’m still not looking at her, I can’t. I might go soft on her and I wont let myself do that. I’m here on a mission to kill someone, not to…whatever this is.

“But…Jack…” I can’t help to look up, when she says my name with such sorrow. I see her swallow the knot in her throat. The uncertainty and sadness in her eyes, is bringing back that nasty feeling that I don‘t like. I want her out of my room. I want her out of my fucked up life. I have nothing to offer anyone, nothing but…nothing.

“Get the fuck out Crystal. Now…go” I push her out of the room and slam the door in her face, taking an extra step and locking it. In case her stubborn ass decides to come back, knowing her. I throw myself on the bed and stare at the wall. This is so fucked up.