Chapter 47
Ever since Amanda had moved in, she noticed that AJ liked to walk around the house shirtless every morning after Aaron went to school. One day she decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. She walked into the kitchen wearing boy shorts and a sports bra. He stared at her as she reached into the refrigerator to get some milk. By the time Nick came down for breakfast, she had already gotten dressed.
"AJ, there is a baby and a 12 year old in the house, put a shirt on." Nick admonished. AJ looked sourly at Amanda and walked to his room, grumbling to himself as Amanda smirked. She and Nick sat down for breakfast and she couldn't help but think about how Nick still dressed like he did when he was 15 and hiding his mother's abuse. Nick tended to wear jeans and t shirts most of the time....mostly baggy and loose fitting clothes. He never wore tank tops or shorts even if it was hot outside.
"Nick....mind if I ask you something?" Amanda said, drinking coffee from her mug.
"Sure. What's up?"
"How come you don't show off like AJ? You have a great body....you're in shape. Why are you covered up?" Amanda asked thoughtfully. Nick took a bite out of his bagel and stared at her, thinking. He wanted to tell her everything, that he still felt ashamed by how he looked....that every day he felt ugly....that his mother's voice had not left him. He was embarrassed and didn't want Amanda to think he was weak because of his reasoning.
"There are kids in the house...I don't want Aaron or Celine to get the wrong idea." Nick answered, not meeting her gaze. This was a good reason, but Amanda knew there was more than Nick was telling. She was concerned....the night before she had heard Nick crying in the bathroom. He wasn't telling her the truth and it bothered her, Nick was usually very open with his feelings and hadn't hidden them since high school. She and Nick went about their day, Amanda watching him for any signs that he was upset. Nick went through his normal routine and did not stray from it in the slightest.
"Nick, are you all right?" Amanda asked, after she noticed how quiet he was. Something was on his mind...he seemed distant.
"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, putting on a smile for her. She could tell he was lying, his eyes said he was depressed.
"What's bothering you? Is it because I asked why you don't show off? You look great....you should-" Amanda began.
"I'm sorry, but I don't like to walk around the house half naked." Nick snapped.
"Nick..." Amanda called after him as he headed for the back door.
"I need to be alone for a while." Nick said, his eyes watering. Amanda watched him go, feeling confused. Why was he acting so strange? He had never hid anything from her....always talked when he was bothered. Aaron came home after a while and noticed Amanda looked distressed.
"What's wrong?" the boy asked, his brown eyes following her through the living room.
"I'm worried about your brother." she answered softly as she put the baby in her playpen.
"Is he okay?"
"He is acting like he is 15 again, something is bothering him and he won't talk to me." Amanda explained. She and Aaron went to the kitchen, and Aaron sat at the table.
"How?" he asked innocently.
"I asked him why he doesn't show off like AJ...and he got upset and wouldn't talk about why he was bothered by my question."
"Amanda, I think I know what this is, let me talk to my brother." Aaron said. Amanda watched him go out the back door and down the beach and smiled. If anyone could get Nick to talk, it would be his brother. Aaron wandered down the beach for a while and found Nick sitting on a rock, staring out at the water.
"Hey. Mind if I join you?" Aaron said brightly. Nick shrugged his shoulders and did not answer him.
"What's going on? Want to talk about it?" Aaron asked.
"Did Amanda put you up to this?"
"No, Nick.....now what's wrong? Why have you been avoiding everyone?" Aaron said. Nick looked away from him and wiped his eyes.
"I'm not avoiding-" Nick protested.
"Yes you are." Aaron interrupted angrily.
"Amanda asked me why I don't walk around shirtless like AJ does." Nick explained.
"So why does that bother you?" Aaron asked, raising an eyebrow. Nick scoffed and kicked at some sand, angry with himself.
"I'm ugly.....who would want to look at me....I'm covered with scars." he replied, his eyes watering. Aaron was surprised at his answer....how could he feel ugly? Nick was famous....had girls practically throwing themselves at him....he was handsome.
"Are you serious?" Aaron blurted without thinking. Nick lifted his shirt to show Aaron what he was talking about....scars were there but not visible unless someone was looking for them. They were hardly noticeable, and Aaron pointed this out.
"It doesn't change the fact that I know they are still there, Aaron." Nick said coldly, putting the shirt back down so it covered his stomach.
"Nick, Amanda is worried. You need to talk to her about this."
"I don't want to upset her....she doesn't deserve that." Nick replied. Aaron put his arm around his brother and hugged him.
"Nick, you have to talk to her or you will lose her. She is more hurt that you're hiding than by the fact you think you're ugly. You're not ugly..." Aaron told him. Nick wiped his eyes, surprised at how wise his little brother was. Aaron was 12 years younger and Nick couldn't believe how mature he was acting.
"I wish I could be as strong as you, Aaron." Nick said suddenly. This statement shocked Aaron....his big brother wanted to be like him! He felt honored and couldn't help but grin.
"You ARE strong, Nick. You can fight back....all you have to do is stop listening to what other people tell you and just listen to what Nick thinks." Aaron said wisely.
"Its not what other people think, it's Mom." Nick explained.
"What about mom?"
"Every time I look in the mirror, I
hear mom's voice." Nick explained gravely. Aaron resented his mother for this. She hadn't gotten to him when he lived with her....but Nick had endured far worse than he had, so he understood why Nick wasn't quite over the abuse.
"Nick, you have to look in that mirror and fight back....you can't let mom run your life." Aaron said.
"You're right....thanks." Nick said, and the two of them headed back into the house. Nick spent a while in his room while Amanda was downstairs with Aaron. Nick decided it was now or never....he had to face his demons once and for all, or they would consume him. He stood in front of the large mirror in his bathroom, looking at his reflection. His body was perfect, his arms toned and a flat stomach....his abs were defined. Nick took care of himself by working out and eating healthy...he prided on staying fit. He flexed his muscles and stared at himself...until he heard her voice, clear as a bell.
"You're ugly....." his mother said, causing him to flinch. His fingers ran across his stomach and he found a scar there, reminding him of her.
"Stop it...." he whispered, tears springing to his eyes. Nick gripped the bathroom counter and closed his eyes as her voice came again.
"Stop it..." he muttered, forcing himself to look again. His 15 year old self appeared in the mirror, malnourished and underweight....bruises covering his body. He could see his ribs and spine...bruises dotted his skin.
"Nobody wants you..." his mother said bitterly. Nick choked back sobs as she continued. Nick looked up when he heard his brother's voice.
"Fight her, Nick...." his voice told him. Nick looked and saw the bathroom scale. His mother's voice growing louder by the minute. Nick picked up the scale and flung it at the mirror, causing it to smash, shards of glass flying all over the tiled floor. Breathing heavily....Nick looked into the broken mirror.
"You....don't....control....me." he said, tears running down his face as Amanda ran into the room with Aaron following behind. She looked at the broken glass, then at Nick.
"Are you okay? What happened?" Amanda asked in concern.
"She's gone..." Nick whispered, smiling slightly.
"Who's gone, baby?" Amanda asked, more worried about the broken shards of glass littering the floor by nick's feet.
"He's talking about mom." Aaron whispered, and it was then that she understood. She told Nick to lie down and then cleaned up the glass with Aaron's help before getting dinner ready.
"Aaron, I'm really proud of you for helping your brother like that." Amanda said as she cooked. Aaron stood across the counter and smiled.
"In a way....he helped me too." the boy said. He was glad that Nick could finally have confidence in himself. Aaron wanted Nick to be happy....after all, he deserved it.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hope you all enjoy this update. Don't forget to review.
